Pastor Plek's Podcast
Pastor Plek's Podcast
The Power of Confession and Vulnerability in Christian Community
322: Kaylor Reiter joins Pastor Plek and Pastor Holland on the podcast for a heartfelt episode that explores his transformative experience since moving from a gay lifestyle to Christianity and celibacy, only to confront a significant moral failure during a business trip. Kaylor candidly shares how succumbing to the temptation of pornography and spending over three thousand dollars on OnlyFans, funds meant for a mission trip, led him to a deeper understanding of accountability and community support in maintaining spiritual integrity. This episode is a raw and honest discussion about the complexities of faith and the power of vulnerability.
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and welcome back to pastor plex podcast. I'm your host with pat. I'm your host, pastor plec, and with me in studio is none other than one other than holland greg. Welcome home thank you yeah, pastor at east side community church, just an amazing man of god. And uh, then also we have kayla rider. I'm so glad you're here I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 1:Kayla, like when you texted the other day and you said, hey, I really feel I got a need, I got to get back on the show, I was like, what more could you say Because you've been through it For those catching a lot of, you up Kayla's story. You know. He started out at our church at least where I started with him in in about 2012, 2014. He uh was just a kid in the youth group and then eventually went to college, got involved in a gay lifestyle and, uh, then, uh, through meeting james foster uh, one of our pastors like repented, got baptized here, and then I think that's at one point he came to my men's group, said I'm a gay christian. I was like, ah, let's call you, not that. And so then, uh, we went and we talked about like repentance and what that looked like, and then you went off to germany for a while, then you came back and then, throughout that story, eventually you got engaged to a man.
Speaker 1:But then jesus met you in a dream and then, you and said you, which life do you want, one in hell or one with me? And you chose Jesus, broke up with your dude fiance and then you've been celibate, or trying to. Well, you've committed to a life of celibacy ever since, and then you've been wanting to kind of step into ministry, and so that's kind of where we were. You made all these huge changes in your life. You're moving towards progressively sanctification. You're grown with Jesus and then recently things took a little bit of a downturn. Maybe when were we at?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, it definitely took a huge turn.
Speaker 3:Okay, so with my old job as an IT specialist, I traveled the country for clients, um, and so my last trip I really fell off the wagon, spiritually, um just so so we each had our own room and for me it was like easy access to porn, you know, and it's like I could lock the door and it's like wow, um, and so that last trip it came like that was the open door of this floodgate of all the sin. Um, and yeah, let's just say, the past few months spent over three thousand dollars on only fans so what is only fans for?
Speaker 1:those are the people who don't know what only fans is well, so it's a variety, so it's not just explicit content.
Speaker 3:There are creators that actually use it for like non-explicit things right. I think the original intent I thought was there's like physical fitness people doing like workouts or something, and then yeah, but then that's where it's like oh, we have more free reign, because no one can really tell us what we can and cannot pose.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so it became a place of porn. Yeah, okay, so you got an. Only fans spent three grand on only fans. Yeah, that's a lot of money uh, oh yeah, okay, and then what did that preclude you from doing?
Speaker 3:um, well, earlier this year I applied for a mission trip through my school, um, and so I made the first payment, the down payment, and so the money that I got from the refund was gonna go for that mission trip. Well, that didn't work out.
Speaker 1:And was this money that was given to you or just money you saved up this?
Speaker 3:was money that I got from the government. Oh okay, yeah, my FAFSA yeah, oh wow.
Speaker 1:So you sort of hey, I'm going to use this for missions, and then you're like I'll use it for OnlyFans.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's tough, oh yeah. And and then you're like I use it for OnlyFans. Yeah, that's tough, oh yeah. And so, going through this, like, was there ever a point somebody was asking you like, hey, how was that business trip to Toledo or wherever you were? Yeah, completely different. No, no, no. Like whenever, you did your IT trip.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, like it was the same way.
Speaker 1:I'm going like so how'd that trip go? Did you have like an accountability system built in or Not? Really, yeah, how, because I think that would be the part where I'd say man, I think that's essential for a young man, any person, really I need that, so like if someone's not asking me weekly like, hey, have you had any sexual thoughts? Because it's not just like looking at porn, like that are. You know that are inappropriate sexual thoughts, that would be helpful.
Speaker 2:I think yeah.
Speaker 1:And so I think you know, just pastorally, I like I hear that and I go oh man that's so hard. What Kaler needs is some guys in his life that he's close enough to they're going to go like so what's going on in your life that he's close enough to they're going to go like? So what's going on in your life?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I, for me, it's more so. It's like I need that community. That's going to hear me, you know. And it's like what do you mean by that? Well, it's like when I confide in people, like when, when people confide in me, I get down on their level, I get where they're at and I let them be vulnerable, but then also, once they, once I see that they're comfortable and like getting better emotionally, like that's when I provide, like the advice, the tough love, the reality check in a sense you know, because I feel like everybody deserves to be able to voice what they're feeling without any retribution, and so I only have very selective few, and I didn't really want to speak to my mom about this thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Sorry, mom.
Speaker 1:That's kind of a normal thing.
Speaker 3:And so I really didn't have anybody that would just sit. Let me be vulnerable and actually listen, because it's like everybody sees me I'm always happy. I was like, well, I've always portrayed that it's like the biggest smile you see on. People may have the darkest secrets. Yeah, you know, whether you want to take the time to penetrate that wall, then you're not going to know what's going on, and so I don't like to portray that I have this thick wall on me, you know. But it's one of those things that's like I need that community, because when I have a community that I like fully trust, that's where that was like I don't need a, a mask on me. You know I could be like I'm not okay but, I will be you know, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that saying it's it's okay to not be okay, it's not okay to stay that way. I think that's super hard. So, um, holland, if you ever and I know this is probably something that every pastor deals with, but I'd love to hear your perspective like what do you think the barrier is and I know we'll ask kayla here in a second, but what do you think the barrier is for men being vulnerable?
Speaker 2:yeah, I think I can speak, even just for myself. I feel that I think there's a pressure to be okay and, you know, to have it together to have an answer. You know, I want to be the leader, the example, the teacher, the one who you know, knows what's up, and is doing the right thing, and I think there's something really good about that, about I want to be walking with God.
Speaker 2:I want to be someone that others can imitate and follow. But reality is we all stumble, we all sin. But if we admit that, then the fear is like oh now no one's going to respect me, no one's going to think I'm the real deal, no one's going to look to me for advice or counsel. They're going to think less of me or something like that. And so I think there's this pressure of like. In order to be who I want to be, I can only present myself my strengths. I can't, I can't let people see my weaknesses or they're not going to trust respect, or you know, what do you think Is that?
Speaker 3:is that it? Yeah, I you kind of spot on um, I guess, like in my stance, is like I didn't have a dad growing up, so it's like I was. I'm more emotional you know, and so when it comes to like now I have a thick skin, um, but like back then I was like I was a very sensitive person I still am, you know, but it I had to go through a lot of dark experiences to get my backs like my backbone you know, and yeah, not I.
Speaker 3:I applaud for those who don't have to go through that. You know I don't wish anybody to go through dark experiences to get to gain something like that, um, but I know in my experiences that when I would see like family members or even friends, I always had to remember I have to be strong for them because they need someone to lean their shoulders on, you know, and for me, recognizing and like where my faith is at right now and I'm recognizing that I can cry, you know I don't have to be happy all the time, you know.
Speaker 1:Did you feel a pressure to be happy all the time?
Speaker 3:I felt like it because it's like that's how I move forward, you know it's like I laugh at myself, move forward. You know it's like I laugh at myself and for me, like and I've told you this on previous times you know, in college, my darkest times, I would resort to cutting depression, suicide attempts. You know. So, with me laughing at myself, that was a way for me to cope you know, it's like I don't like playing, that I'm a human card Cause it's like that's stupid.
Speaker 2:I think that's a stupid thing to blame.
Speaker 3:It was like, yes, you're human, but it's like, come on, dude, that thing's really old, um, and so it's time to take action for your like. You have to take responsibility for your actions.
Speaker 1:So so, how? So how do you? How did you deal? I love what you say is that you moved forward. How did you move forward?
Speaker 3:Well, I actually saw it. I found another church and I'm like, oh, can I have more than one church family? And I'm like, oh, wait, yeah. So I kind of laughed.
Speaker 1:I was like, okay, what you found, so hold on. This is the part that.
Speaker 3:So you're at Gateway, yeah, and then you found a different church other than gateway no, so it's gonna be a separate it's the second one um, so at a gateway event for all men, yeah, this, this pastor who at red rocks, yeah, um, he's a single man and the pastor's a single guy and he's not looking for marriage. Um, but I love like how he's like I don't't know, for me it's just like how he taught the Bible and it's like you got to take responsibility for it.
Speaker 1:He's a committed celibate, single dude.
Speaker 3:Yes, and for me that speaks volumes, because everybody's like, oh, we found the perfect woman for you. And he's like, okay, thanks, but no, you know. Yeah like okay, thanks, but no, you know. So for me, like, that is that type of model that I want to exhibit in my life, because like well, I don't want to date men anymore. You know, and so until God thinks I'm ready, I'm just going to try to stay celibate, you know. And so having that type of model and a pastor speaks volumes for me.
Speaker 1:So this is the part that might be the rebuke part. But, like, are you going to to red rocks and be with that guy?
Speaker 3:because I think that would be awesome connection yeah, no, um, so my plan is to do both. I do believe that both churches, like I've done research on their doctrines and I absolutely agree with both. I do think gateway and I like what you said. It's like a gateway drug for like new beginners. Um, and so I do like the.
Speaker 1:I probably said for red rocks too.
Speaker 3:but yeah, go ahead, I do like how gateway has a lot of resources, um, and right now I'm actually entering the heel ministry for my finances and my sexual sin. Yeah, but with Red Rocks I can connect more with people my own age, whereas gateway, of course, there's a 20s and 30s that I'm in, but, like there's a lot more Gen Z men and feet women yeah, at Red.
Speaker 1:Rocks. So I guess the only here's my like, because I think so. We send people to reach in at City View and I think that's totally okay. It's just really the place when are you, you know what, and I'm not sure if they're elder-led, but what group of men or what elder is kind of like caring for your soul. I think that's the thing that becomes like someone knows I'm responsible for Kaler and I think the challenge for most people this isn't just you is they don't want to submit themselves to anyone, so they go everywhere and say I go to church everywhere.
Speaker 1:And so when you're a church, at every church, you're a member of no church, and I think that's the struggle, because the people at Red Rocks don't know. If they don't know that they're supposed to be caring for you, they don't know to go and ask you those hard questions At Gateway. If they don't know that you're part of their thing, they don't know to go ask you those hard questions. I think that's the part. So cause I think you know going and visiting other churches for their, you know, whatever specific ministry, I think that's that's totally encouraged. I think being a part of a local church, though, it becomes super valuable and important for this specific reason. Someone to come and say, Kaler, I haven't seen you, Cause were you going to church during that time? Or like when you were going to have the OnlyFans spree?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was at Gateway, All right.
Speaker 1:So you're at the church. You're doing the thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, joe, go ahead. Yeah, I'm just curious. So, like going to church, I mean, I haven't seen you in a decade, you know, and so just hearing some of this I'm not up to speed as much. But when you say you were going to church, does that mean attending Sunday services and that's all? Or does that mean, like no, I'm there's, I have community there, where people know me, we're, we're involved, like what is? What does it mean? I'm actually involved.
Speaker 3:Um so I'm involved in a couple of groups um, but I'm also serving as well Um and I'm taking classes, like courses like to help me grow.
Speaker 1:Like you're cause you want to go into ministry, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Sundays and throughout the week, what? Once a week, or a couple of times a week?
Speaker 3:Maybe like three, four times a week. That's a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's very involved. And so in that time, you know, during this three months, uh, are there people who are like checking in with you, hey, how's your walk with Jesus? And you're just not telling them or it or were you just kind of keeping your distance? And no one's really like. You can be um a mile wide and an inch deep, right, you can go. I'm there four days a week and I go to two different services and I serve, but no one really knows me, wow.
Speaker 3:Well, so to piggyback off of that question, which is really good, um, so I do have people who reach out to me that I do confide in. Um, I, actually one of the guys that I reach out to is actually a mentor of mine, um, and so right now he's on sabbatical in Europe, so it's like oh, well, he's out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, um, and so I think it's the idea of like, if I text somebody and they don't respond to me real quick, then it's like all right, they're busy, or it's like I need to give them more space.
Speaker 3:Cause I do text quite a lot um to where it's overwhelming to people, Um, and so that's where I've told people if you don't want to text me, just end it, or just give me the thumbs up and I'll end it there you know but it's like so, there are people. I think it's more so. It's like I need to be comfortable with myself, like openly sharing it with, with them, but also more than them you know Um like. Like I said earlier, I was like I'm going to go into the heel ministry for it you know, and that's where, for me, I feel like it's a good step into sharing and being openly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think you're going to get a lot more out of that, because you're coming in there saying, hey, I have an issue as opposed to the other place saying like, not saying that you ever would say this, but in general, when no one says like, if you're serving at like a I don't know a Bible study, set up and tear down, or like you know there's a young adult group, whatever, no one's asking that unless you're explicitly asking someone to ask you, and that's where I think the HEAL ministry would probably be a big win.
Speaker 1:So, when it comes to Red Rocks, like, do you like? I guess it's like do you just appreciate that pastor, or is that? Does that pastor and you like have a relationship where he goes like so tell me about, uh, how you're overcoming the loneliness, or is he have like a time to meet with you regularly, or is it just something like man, I just love that way that guy preaches because I can identify with that well, when we did that men's group at gateway, he had a book that he wrote single today yeah and how he entered, like how he he brought scripture and the culture together, but it was very smooth, I guess.
Speaker 3:So I reached out to him because I read his book and it was like wow, he was dealing with so much even as a young pastor, single, that wasn't even actively looking for a wife. So I think it was more. So it was like one. I wanted to get his intake and like kind of share my story with him and let him know. It was like his story inspired me, you know, and it's encouraging.
Speaker 1:So it wasn't necessarily like a I'm going to your church. Now it's more like hey, that was awesome, thank you for doing that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm heading back to gateway. Yeah, yeah, that's good. I think that's super encouraging. Especially when someone shares something so powerful, it's so good to let them know how much it impacted you. Okay, so you're at Gateway, you're taking the next step, moving forward with Heal Ministry. I think one of the things that, at least here at Wells Branch, one of the things that we try and do is, whenever the confession or repentance of sin is like one of the things that we sort of anchor a lot of our ministry around, because usually when people confess sin, everyone sort of stares at their shoes and goes, oh man, that's really bad, I'm so sorry that happened. And then they go what's the next guy going to confess?
Speaker 1:And they kind of like they leave it at the confession, and I think that, and I'm not saying people are doing it wrong. However, it can become problematic if it just becomes like yeah, me too, me too, me too, and so everybody has the same thing. And so again, if everybody's sinning, you're confessing it, but there's no steps for repentance. And the one step of repentance that James 5.16 lays out is confess your sins one to another and pray for each other that you may be healed, and for us specifically, that's where, like you would confess that, and then I would pray, I would say, god, thank you so much for Kaler's confession.
Speaker 1:His sin of lust deserves hell. It is that bad, jesus. You died on the cross for that lust. You took it straight to hell. You rose from the dead Lord in died on the cross for that lust. You took it straight to hell. You rose from the dead Lord in that same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead lives in Caler.
Speaker 1:Holy Spirit, would you empower Caler to move forward in freedom and that he would feel no condemnation? In Jesus' name, amen. And what that does, what that does is it allows you to kind of feel the full weight of your sin, as opposed to just saying you know, getting it off your chest, but not dealing with it in a real spiritual and I don't want to call it transactional. The transaction is Jesus gives you grace and takes your sin, takes it to hell, gives you Holy Spirit power and then says there's no condemnation on you. So I think you're walking around with a lot of condemnation, which is why you don't want to confess it to people. You're walking around feeling the weight of shame and that's what prevents us from confessing sin.
Speaker 2:And to that point, I feel like the culture we live in is a very therapeutic type culture. The answer, the solution to that is you know, people go. We don't want to see people walking around with shame and guilt, and so here's what we're going to do. We're going to say it's okay, right, you're okay, it's not that bad, you're not that bad, you're, you are enough you know you're a good, rather than saying that yeah, what Chris just said.
Speaker 2:You know that deserved hell and I deserve hell and like our sin is actually like you know this horrible thing, but that Jesus paid for it and so justice was done and condemnation was done, and so it's not just like, hey, you're okay, it's yeah, praise the Lord, you're free because Jesus died for you. You're free from you know. That's so much better. You're forgiven and free. That's so much better than it's okay. It's not that bad, because deep in our souls, we know it's bad. We know it's bad and that's why you feel shame.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think this is the classic. You know, therapeutic, moralistic deism is the God of this age, where it says no, and this gets into parenting. We don't want our kids to feel bad, and so everyone gets a trophy. And so what happens is, with your sin, we go ah, don't feel bad, don't feel bad, don't condemn yourself like that, as opposed to, you are fully condemned. However Jesus took, he paid the penalty for you, and that brings hope that leads to worship it leads to worship. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Praise the Lord and I think that's the part that is sort of missing in. I guess therapeutic, moralistic deism is this aspect of the weight of sin, and then the reality of everyone just wants everyone to feel better. So I really appreciate everything you said. It's like you're walking through condemnation and shame and you should, unless you really give it over to Jesus. And the way the Bible describes you giving that over to Jesus is through the confession of sin and then having someone sort of receive that, which is where the Catholics crushed it at this until it doesn't work right. But ultimately, the reason why you go to a priest for the confession of sin is they're assuming like you're a complete train wreck and you're gonna be sinning all the time, which is why you usually have a daily mass where you have the opportunity to go and confess sin and then take communion and sacraments.
Speaker 1:And I think for the evangelical church we may have taken on some of that moralistic, therapeutic deism. We don't want anyone to feel bad, because we should be. You know, listen, god forgave you. There's grace, yes, and that is true. However, the way that God has called us to deal with our sin is through confession and repentance and prayer, and that's where the healing comes. I just want to make sure that that's the part of that I feel like is missing. And again, I don't. This is not our church is the best church to talk, but this is like I feel like that's the one area we've we've been really strong at and helping people overcome addiction, helping overcome sin, patterns, hurts, habits and hang-ups I feel like your y'all's church is more like you're like for me.
Speaker 3:I get the vibe that's like I'm gonna be real with you, man yeah, you know, it's like you're not sugarcoating it because like that's, I feel like that's today's culture. It's like everyone is super hypersensitive to the truth. They get offended so easily and they shun. I guess my personal experience is I've seen people push back so much harder. I was like, well, if you don't want the truth, then bye peace.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, yeah, and I think we're able to go. We want to give the truth gracefully.
Speaker 3:Right, of course.
Speaker 1:But I think what every man I wouldn't say every person, every person needs rebuke and encouragement, like I want to encourage you and say, man, way to go in bringing that stuff to the light, and the rebuke would be man.
Speaker 1:You need to have a regular rhythm of confession and repentance Because it's not like you're going to not look at porn again until you have a regular rhythm of this. Freedom for me, personal holiness for me, came through the regular confession and repentance of sin, having an older man pray the gospel over me so that I could experience freedom. And I'm telling you, it's the most beautiful thing because, especially when someone that you respect prays the gospel over and said there's no condemnation, and then, on the flip side, asks you to pray over them because they don't have it together, and then what you're going to watch is sin over time, it still is grievous to God, like remember we've said all—Colin has a way better phrase for this. All sin is damnable, I guess, but not all is quite as destructible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, equally damning, not equally destructive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So all sin is equally damning but not equally destructive. So you might go from hey, I looked at porn to like, hey, I noticed a girl and was checking out her butt at where I work out or whatever the thing is, and then so it moves from I'm acting out in lust to just noticing, to then I'm at this place where I'm now pressed on praise the Lord. And then I had a thought about thinking about that's where the goal would be not for perfection You'll never arrive there but through training in righteousness. And that's what that is. Training in righteousness means I want to put God's holiness first, I want to live for him primarily. And righteousness, I want to put God's holiness first, I want to live for Him primarily. And so that I take every thought captive. But to take every thought captive means you got to start first with the big thoughts, turn them over. Hey, we need to take this thought captive. I had this dark thought. Can you talk to me? Yeah, it deserved hell. Let me pray. But let's pray and thank God. Remember he took that hellish thought. He took it there. You're free. No condemnation. Holy Spirit, walk in freedom. Boom. Then this sort of it's equally damning but equally destructive thought, and then we deal with that, and then it becomes smaller and smaller over time.
Speaker 1:And I think that's the beauty of gospel-centric living that so many Christians are not aware of. But when they become aware of it and this is why I'm a huge proponent of the regular system of confession and repentance that makes your life free. Does that make sense? Yeah, and we always say here, like 1 John 1, 9, if we confess our sins, god is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. In other words, when you confess to God, a vertical 1 John 1.9 is confession to God, is forgiveness horizontally. And then James 5.16, confess your sins one to another and pray for each other and you'll be healed. That is a horizontal confession which is healing, and so I think that's the power of like you watch people walk around, they're forgiven, they're going to heaven, but they're not free, they're not healed, they're struggling. So my hope for you in heal which hopefully that's really cool that it's called heal that there would be a confession and repentance aspect where there would be healing.
Speaker 3:No, I absolutely agree with that. My hope is that a lot of people at Gateway are probably going through the same thing, you know, and I think having those running partners that are going through it you know, like be that accountability partner, you know. So that's why it's like you know, red. Rocks was cool, you know, not gonna lie, it was a good message, absolutely Red.
Speaker 1:Rocks is a great church.
Speaker 3:But yeah, you feel like my heart is right at Gateway just because the resources that I know that I can grow from.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but in leaning in, remember, I think all the healing is there.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's just a matter of you seeking it out and I think that what you're dealing with people at our church deal with that.
Speaker 1:It's not because, they're here, they don't struggle with walking around in shame. I think just because you're sitting in these chairs doesn't make you any less susceptible. I think what has to happen is an intentionality among the leadership to say we are going to go combat sin One of my favorite Holland sermons, I think when you did back in the day it was mortifying the flesh, and I think that's where we struggle at mortifying. Of course, you probably stole it from somebody.
Speaker 2:John.
Speaker 1:Owen John Owen, yeah which he named his kid after. So there you go, Mortification of sin. Yeah there you go, Come on. So like, yeah, I feel like that's a powerful desire, desire that we need to kind of go all in on is mortifying the flesh. And that can only happen when we feel the freedom, right, that authenticity that we're talking about, but where it's not met with like me too and then everyone just sort of looks at their shoes. But met with the gospel.
Speaker 2:And you need people who are willing to correct and rebuke and say a hard word to you and love you enough to do that and know that. You know you can take it, that you actually want it. Proverbs 27,. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
Speaker 1:And the enemy multiplies kisses.
Speaker 2:And the enemy multiplies kisses. Better is open rebuke than hidden love. And so taking those ideas and saying okay, and maybe you have, maybe this is at the heel group or maybe but, to have.
Speaker 2:You know a couple of men in your life who you know. You even tell them like, hey, I give you permission, call me out, ask me hard questions, like I'm not going to run from that. I know I need it, my soul needs it. You know my I. If you don't ask me hard questions, here's what I know I will do for three months. You know I will. This is you know and what, what you shared about that one man is really really courageous for you to just open up about it. You know to be, to be transparent about that, and there there's a lot of people who do the same thing but never tell anybody you know, and it's just it's hidden and if someone tries to correct them about it, you know it's like who are you to judge me?
Speaker 2:Don't tell me how to live my life, you know. But you're in this position of saying I know it was wrong, I got some guilt and shame, but I'm trying to just take the grace of God, I'm trying to laugh at it and move on and go wow, okay, thank you God for saving me and, you know, just want to encourage having some of those men where you're like hey, wound me, you know like speak the truth, say the hard thing.
Speaker 2:Love me enough to say the hard thing to me. Um, and you know for you to be able to offer that in return some people don't want that, but when you find some men who are willing to give and receive in, you know hard truths, man. That's how you grow. That's how you grow.
Speaker 3:No, I definitely agree. You know, and that's one of the things that it's like I'm seeking, like, pretty much like male figures. You know that is going to give me tough love, you know. But to a certain extent though, you know, because it's like for those who I try to seek for that mentorship, you know it, I'm a person, you know it's like, and I do have feelings, you know. It's like yeah, yeah, um, so it's like having them be okay with, okay, let me just relinquish those tears of like frustration, sadness, whatever you know, but then afterwards, give me that tough love, give me that reality check, you know, because at the end day I can't grow from oh, it's okay, tomorrow you're gonna heal it. It was no, this thing isn't going to. It's a progress, man. It was like. It's a process. It takes time, you know. So it's like having that kind of reality check means more to me than it's just like let me just kiss it. It was like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And you're going to be that guy for others one day. As you keep maturing in your faith, you're going to move into the role of the young man receiving the wisdom from the older man and from your brothers, to being the mature man who's offering it to others family, or whether it's a spiritual father of younger men in the church that you know, by you really growing through this right now, it's also going to shape you to be able to bless others who you know find themselves in a position where they're going to be like no one understands me, no one's going to you know, and you're going to be like, hey, man, I understand and I've walked through this and here's what God's taught me and let me, let me tell you a hard truth that saved my soul back in the day, you know, and let me give it to you now because I love you. So God's going to be able to use you for that.
Speaker 3:No, absolutely, and I think sorry, I really almost about to cry I was like dang it, holland, one of the things that's like what's really pushing me to keep fighting, because there were moments I was like I keep slapping God in the face, I confess, but then I can repeat it. I was like then am I really truly like really giving it up to him, you know, and so it's just like man.
Speaker 3:but one of the things is that I keep fighting for is that I'm still alive. You know, if God truly hated my sin like of course he truly hates my sin, you know, but he truly hates my sin but if he truly hated me for it, he had the power to kill me. He knew before I was even born. So for me, no matter how many times I've fallen, god's going to always pick me back up. You're worth it.
Speaker 1:I think that's the beauty of you're worth it like you're worth dying for and, I think, one of the. I'm sorry. I think that's the beauty of this whole thing, is there's great value in who you are, kaler, and he didn't die on the cross just to see like, well, I tried, he's going to what he's started in you.
Speaker 3:He's going to see it to completion absolutely, and I want to encourage every Christian because I kind of have this resemblance or this imagery of our Christian walk and I want to encourage everybody to think of it like this. So imagine you're a clay on the wheel and God is the artist. He's shaping you on your journey to be the perfect masterpiece. You'll fall off the wheel, but somehow he'll pick you back up, form you back into the same you know, so for me.
Speaker 3:I always like to resemble that, because it's like I'm still living for the purpose that he wants me to be. I'm still having this huge desire to go serve, you know, despite every single sin that I've done, and I've realized it's like, if it means me starting all the way back over financially, spiritually, that is okay because, like, I'm still here. I'm still here to make a difference in this world.
Speaker 1:Kaler, thanks so much for being here. Holland appreciate you. Hey, if you've got any questions, text us at 737-231-0605 or go to pastorplekcom. We'd love to hear from you. We can kind of. If you want to push more questions towards Kayla, we can always do that as well, but listen. So grateful for you tuning in From our house to yours. Have an awesome week of worship.