Pastor Plek's Podcast
Pastor Plek's Podcast
Resilience and Redemption: Laurie Ann Peacock’s Journey from Trauma to Triumph
323: Pastor Plek is joined by special guest Laurie Ann Peacock as she shares her poignant journey in a world where lively biker club culture met heartbreaking trauma. Growing up as a "daddy's girl," Laurie Ann paints a picture of a vibrant household that suddenly shifts, leading to an experience that would forever alter the course of her life. Through faith and resilience, she found a way back to the light, offering a testament to the healing power of love and spiritual awakening.
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And welcome back to Pastor Plek's podcast. I'm your host, Pastor Plek, and joining me in studio is none other than Senor Jordan Smith. Hey, excited to be here, Chris.
Speaker 1:And also Lorianne Peacock. Welcome, lorianne, hello, hello. Okay. Well, I'm so excited for your story today, lorianne, I've got Jordan in here for some extra interview help, because your story is so intense that I don't think it's just ready for mainstream ears. So let's walk through this. Tell me about. We're going to talk about how Jesus really saved you, redeemed you, brought you from death to life. But want to kind of start in your childhood. Tell me the story.
Speaker 3:I'm trying to remember how I started it in the email.
Speaker 1:Well, there are three of you total your brother, you and your little sister.
Speaker 3:There is so, honestly, we had an amazing childhood. We really did. My mind is going everywhere right now. You were daddy daddy's girl, so we traveled a lot and we like, so, um, they've been married. My parents married almost 50 years, yeah, um, and so you know, very loving household. Yeah. And a very Catholic household.
Speaker 3:Um, but our, our world, pretty much, was revolved around family and traveling um from you know, desert life with the trailer and the dog and the truck and ATVs. I mean beach, I mean you name it. We did it all when we were kids, Um, and yeah, dad's, I'm, I'm daddy's little girl through and through. So, um, I kind of wish I had my little email right here with me to flash back to it. But, um, my mind's like totally taking a blank right now. Sorry, my mind's like totally taking a blank right now.
Speaker 1:It happens, your trouble began whenever your mom, like you, had the storybook life, until your mom just got fed up at one point.
Speaker 3:So yeah, so dad was a president of a biker club when we were growing up and that was completely normal for all of us, from having house parties and all his buddies moving over at the garage and my mom's friends or the wives of all the biker buddies, and you know we grew up with all their kids and all that um, halloween parties at the garage. I mean, we, we were called the party peacocks, to be honest with you in our whole neighborhood and everything and so. But after a while mom started getting really fed up with the, you know dad coming home on his bike at two or three in the morning and you know all that jazz. And when you have jobs and kids to raise, after a while it kind of gets old. And after multiple events and dad saying yes to not doing it, she finally had her last straw and said I, we need to separate, I have to figure your stuff out, et cetera. So at that point mom was working two jobs and going to school and raising three kids, while dad was about, I want to say about 30 to 45 minutes away in his apartment doing his thing, his work and whatever have you.
Speaker 3:So, um, and I think for me, cause, you know, everybody remembers their childhood differently, even though you're raised on the same house. Cause my sister actually mentioned that too. She's like why do we remember everything so differently? I go because I was four years older than you and everybody has yeah different personalities, whatever.
Speaker 3:So that's when a lot of things started changing for me, because dad wasn't always around. And then you know you have family friends coming in help raise the kids while mom's going to work overnight and all that. You know house cleaning ladies. You know her best friend's teaching her how to cook Like there's a whole village. Right.
Speaker 3:So, and then they were separated for about three years. They were separated for about three years and then, six months before dad moved back in, I want to say I mean the timeline could be completely off, but then dad had one of his friends move in to his garage because he didn't know where else to park his van, and that's where everything went.
Speaker 1:How so.
Speaker 3:Crazy. Well, he was a friend to everybody and dad trusted him, I trusted him, mom trusted him, whatever. And just one random day I go into the garage and he wanted to show me something in his van. And one thing leads to another and Insert taking advantage of a young girl that's not even in her teens yet.
Speaker 3:I may have been like 10 or 11, I don't know, so, um, we come from a large family, like I do like a large family Like my mom's the first of six, dad's the third of four, so when you're like the first granddaughter out of a total of 18 grandkids on my mom's side, so a very large family.
Speaker 3:And I was kind of shy when I was a kid.
Speaker 3:So when the separation happens and everything else, after a while you're just you feel like you're kind of floating, just kind of there.
Speaker 3:But then I honestly can't remember how many times it happened, but I just know that fast forward from things that happened in that dude's van to my dad randomly waking me up one day in the middle of the night in the room I was at mom's house, and he wakes me up and really quiet, and he was like you're not going to get in trouble, I just wanted to know. He asked the question and did anything happen between this person and whatever have you? And I was like didn't think anything of it, and I was like yeah, and and he just you know a little bit, slightly more detail. And then he's like okay, it's all I needed to know, not in trouble, just want to know the truth. And then I can just see the intensity of fire and fury in him, but love at the same time, and so after that was done I was like, okay, whatever, go back to bed. And after that Mom took me aside about I don't know how long after but she.
Speaker 3:I heard that, um, that it happened to a couple other of their friends' kids as well, so it wasn't just me, so nobody else in the family my, I think my sister was already there by then, so she didn't happen to her. Nobody else but me sister was already there by then, so she didn't happen to her, nobody else but me. So um came down to it. You know, they had the courts and I had to go up on there and do my testimony for the dude and the guy had a daughter and she did not know about any of this.
Speaker 3:And so when we were getting my testimony and my mom and dad were just sitting there just dumbfounded all the details, you know, and of course, and then, um, at the end of the whole thing, the daughter walked up to all of us and she says my father is dead. To me I can't believe he would ever do this to anybody. And so how many years later, you know, um, we started getting random phone calls and I know I was oblivious, you know, protection, protection of the kid. So later, like many, many years later, I found out that my sister told me she was like you do know that we changed our telephone number because he kept calling the house. He got out of jail and he kept calling the house and wanted to make things right and come over and come over. And I guess one of the things that my dad told me was you ever come here ever again. You're going to have a bullet in your head, dude.
Speaker 3:My dad, he's a veteran. He served in Germany for two years. We're raised in a southern household. Even though it's southern California, he's from Arkansas, so the man doesn't mess around, and our kitchen had a rifle cabinet. So I just remember having that phone call and hearing my dad say something going on. I was like what is going on? And they never told me. But I remember going down the hall and seeing my dad asked my brother to come in the room and he showed him how to load it Never showed him how to shoot it, just showed him how to load it if he needed to use it. And then he just sat on the tailgate of the truck and just sat there, just waited all day. It's like please come, please show up to our house. And that's the last we ever heard, I guess because changed the number and never knew why until my sister told me about five years after me moving here.
Speaker 1:So that experience really triggered something for you to take you down a dark path, uh, with this guy. I mean, how, how did that?
Speaker 3:well I know that. So, when it comes to all the um, this is my first time really totally speaking about it.
Speaker 1:Um, because I think there's something in this that, like you know, with parents raising children, when I tell people like people get molested to get raped probably more than we want to talk about it happens a lot, not because of people you don't know, it happens from the people you do know. Right People you're comfortable with Right right, and so talk to me about like trust issues. Talk to me about like all of that.
Speaker 3:How did that impact you, even with your relationship with your own family? It's really weird to say, but coming from a big family, I always felt like anytime I wanted to say something I was never heard because everything is so loud. And then when I finally was able to, um, get it out of my system and like I'm gonna have, I'm gonna be heard, so I'm gonna say it louder and louder, louder, louder, to the point where you're yelling Right. And then, like God, why are you yelling? I'm like because no one's listening to me. Yeah.
Speaker 3:To where. That's why I'm so loud today. Naturally is because it stems from never being heard when you're a kid.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's wild. It's wild to see how much your childhood affects who you are as an adult.
Speaker 3:And now you kind of just. I mean, I don't blame anybody but except for the evil that was in the dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, mom and dad, there's no blame on anybody Right? You know so. Because, it didn't just happen.
Speaker 1:once the guy groomed you made it out.
Speaker 3:He did it once, and then I was happened again by somebody else in the family a good couple years later. Oh, wow. That went at a family function and I came out and I said, hey, this is what happened. And everyone was like, oh, whatever, whatever. They just brushed it off like no one believed me. They thought I was just trying to ask for attention. And no one believed me Because it was the uncle that married my mom's sister.
Speaker 3:With a guy, the aunt, and no one believed me because it was the uncle that married my mom's sister. Huh, With a guy that married my aunt. So I mean not as intense, but still enough to where I'm like what is wrong with you? Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then, ever since then, I just I'm like, well, I guess whatever, and just get moving on, because no one wants to believe that it could happen in the family Just maybe a friend but not a family member, kind of thing. And again, I don't blame anybody for not hearing me that day, but at the same time, it's like you know, you go from not being heard to now that's all you do is talk loud to be heard and then all of a sudden your passion turns to why are you yelling? It's like I'm not.
Speaker 3:It's just me being me. It's just me being me because this is.
Speaker 1:Who I've become.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then all of a sudden it's like, well, your passion turns to really loud and people think you're yelling at them. I was like I don't know what to tell you on that. I'm not going to, I'm not going to water down who I am as a whole. This is just who I am. I'm not going to quiet myself because someone can handle the passion behind who I become.
Speaker 1:And so what? Uh, okay, so talk to me. Your life took a turn toward partying and all that kind of thing. What happened?
Speaker 2:So, well, hold on. I have some questions before then. Well, first off, thank you for sharing. I'm sure that's not easy. I cannot understand how that must feel. But my question is when you said he was your dad's friend, but you used air quotes, what does that mean?
Speaker 3:Like he was just an acquaintance or what Well, I see that as a like. Obviously he's not a friend.
Speaker 2:Right, right, okay.
Speaker 3:And then when you said, you weren't heard, is there some reason you can think of of why your parents didn't? I think it's because so mom's in the go, go go. You know her mind isn't on what's going on in the kid's life, like in their personal lives. Her mind is on I have two jobs and full-time schooling. Because she was going to school to be a nurse. Right.
Speaker 3:And we were all kids when she graduated Right. So for her, her job as a mom and pretty much a full-time mom is get this done. Get this done make sure the kids are fed and it's not anything behind. That is not even a thing, and I can only imagine how it would be to raise three kids and do all of that. You know being home, not being home overnight Cause your labor, you're setting to be a nurse right all that jazz and like she's the strongest woman, I flip.
Speaker 3:No, so it's like I. It's almost like the wall. That barrier is like the only way I can describe it. Yeah, so I mean, I have no idea, you know what, how my siblings dealt with it. I just knew what I saw from my end.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I can kind of relate just from like the emotional neglect piece, cause my parents were more the same as like provide materially and everything, but there is zero emotional connection in my family. So I know I know how that part goes.
Speaker 3:Dad. Dad has always been the emotional connection.
Speaker 3:That's why I'm daddy's little girl always that's good he's the one that I was on his lap, but there's pictures of us growing up and sitting on his lap and watching, like the three stooges, or old westerns or you name it. We had those connections that we grew up watching with him and or hey, I'm proud of you, like he always said, the things that every kid needs to have in their life. Well, mom was the cop good cop, bad cop, kind of thing, you know and she always hated that, but it's one of those. Hey, I'm going to be the disciplinary. Well, dad will be the comforter. That's literally how it always was. And mom didn't do the good job. She went. That's great. Even today, that's how she is. She doesn't say congratulations or good job on how far you've come. She's like oh, I like your car and great, cause it. She doesn't know how to come out and say those kind of things. Right.
Speaker 3:And I think that's just the way she was raised. Maybe I don't know, but that's all she knows how to do while taking care of the family, you know. And then this, the dad, you know, had this ability growing up. So, like he, something happened to him at work and he figure out how to take everything on, and dad's like well, your mom's the household leader. So it is what it is. And when she says, go ask her, ask her, ask her hey, kid, come here, give me a hug, let's cuddle together, let's go play whatever sports and outside in the pool, or we'll build you a fort and all that jazz. I mean he did all the great things.
Speaker 1:He just was passive.
Speaker 3:It was just mom, we've done the law. She did this. Her rules are this. You know, that's when.
Speaker 1:When he came back, I think you've seen the culture for Amanda, that kind of lead, and for a wife to follow. It's a super powerful dynamic and it does affect children in a huge way. All right, so then, when did you sort of like the rules are too much rebellion set in? When did that happen?
Speaker 3:Probably after high school. Yeah, definitely after high school, because it was, you know, when you're growing up on pharmaceuticals, because your adhd and dyslexia and I finally, um, my junior year of high school, I said I'm done, I can't do this anymore because, like paris didn't know it was wrong with me, I know I'm something's not right, she's not normal, you know, and so I I'm not focusing on all the things that they say that are bad. On the report card, you end up being the most successful one out of your whole family because you were the special needs. You know what I mean and I was the pinnacle of that, and so, and honestly, I think it's the pharmaceuticals that took me down the the really, really dark outside of the thing that happened.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:Because, hey, as long as the report card is showing that I'm focusing and I'm doing this and I'm bringing in the grades, but yet my mentality, my mental state, is so far gone.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:And the depression hits in and then not feeling welcome or not feeling heard, there's nothing at school. Oh just, I don't have time for dealing with this. Just figure it out. You know, like what my mom would say I was bullied. You know, you had the bullying and all this other stuff going on and you talk too fast, speech impediment, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 3:So it's a whole, all these different things coming at you. You're this, you're that, you're this, you're not, you're not this, you're not this. And it's not seen from the parent's side until you come home crying going I'm bullying, I'm getting tired of this. She's like Lorianne, I can't, I don't have time to teach you how to stand up for yourself. I don't have time for this. Figure it out, get in there and stand up for yourself, cause if not, they're going to take you down. Learn how to stand up for yourself. It was a very tough love household which, let me be wrong, worked really, really great. And as I get older, I recognize what was said that I really took to heart at the same time, other things that should have never been said.
Speaker 1:Right, you don't walk around with a victim mentality.
Speaker 3:No, I honestly do have like an emotional vacuous hole that you're still trying to fill, apparently the things you don't realize until you realize yeah, no, but that's good, okay.
Speaker 1:So then when did the partying start? So you go for the party and then it's a. You're just looking to have fun, you get a couple drinks. What happens?
Speaker 3:it was, um, yeah, after high school I felt a relief Like I was free to find who I was, and I guess these people are actually honestly still. I consider family to this day, because we all went through our discoveries together.
Speaker 1:Right this day.
Speaker 3:Um, because we all went through our discoveries together, right but um. So there was a household, my dearest friends and her mom, and her mom has always wanted a bunch of kids in her house and she only had two right.
Speaker 3:So we, a lot of us, end up finding who we were and discovering about ourselves in that house, like with parties and stuff. So we would go to her house and just have a great time. All the keys are in the bowl. She would lock them up. Drink whatever you want to drink, I really don't care, just don't do anything stupid. I had the keys so no one can leave the house.
Speaker 3:But I mean, that wasn't the first initial thing, but it started introducing me to alcohol. I smoked pot like four times in my life, so to me that was the drug. I'm going to figure out who I am through this here and where can I be accepted? Um, and then, outside of that, then it was okay. So now I'm going to find there's this random door to door job that I found that, um, you know hell, you know you're going to sell this, you're going to sell that. You're going to find there's this random door-to-door job that I found that, um, you know hell, you know you're going to sell this, you're going to sell that, you're going to sell this. And then your lunch breaks ended up being at strip bars and good steaks and all that jazz. So, um, that's when I started seeing all of that sort of stuff so it's strip clubs strip clubs um drag shows, the whole, all that you know.
Speaker 3:you know right and you get your license at. I got my license at probably 19. Okay, and then after that, just it took off from there.
Speaker 1:Just trying to figure it out. Yeah, and so how? What did you figure out?
Speaker 3:I, I had. I had freedom because everything was so strict, because I was the one like I said, you can't get a job and you can't have a car until you graduate. Because your grades come first, because of my ADHD and dyslexia, because they know my attention span has to focus on this before you can go to this. Right. And of course, I was the only one that had that rule living in the house.
Speaker 2:So but you're saying you felt accepted in this party lifestyle. Is that accurate?
Speaker 3:Like I was, able to breathe and have freedom once I got my license. Okay, and have freedom once I got my license, okay, and then, once I got my license, I had the good old station wagon celebrity that looked like a boat. You know. You have the back seats that face toward the rear end and everyone's like you're the best car ever. So I was the person that drove everybody to all the parties and never got in trouble if I had a drink or two or whatever have you you know, and so I.
Speaker 3:The license is what gave me the freedom to just to. If I had an argument with mom, I would keep my keys and peace out before I didn't have that yeah before it was. I'm gonna write a letter and tell her how much she's pissing me off or whatever it may be. Right, and that was my next freedom. Yeah.
Speaker 3:But after that it was, I guess, like we had a. I wanted to feel cool, so I had a bunch of friends over. My mom went to work one night and we held a party and a bunch of people came over and she didn't trust us and halfway through the night she ended up coming home and there was the pot and alcohol and everything else and all that jazz and we're like, wow, that was a fun night. But now that we know that she doesn't, it's, it's almost like I don't know.
Speaker 3:She was right, though right, oh she's 100% right, she couldn't address this at all. At the same time I'm over here going. If you don't loosen the leash a little bit, guess what's going to happen? We're going to find ways to explore life and, granted, while I was doing all of this, know, I was in a tight-knit you know group with all the teen group at church that's catholic church yeah, and you know, became, you know, like we.
Speaker 3:I had like a I would call it, I would consider it a family at the, the teen group and we had all the um, bible studies, and we did everything else too. And then, while I was, I was showing this while being this- Right, and I think that's a struggle for a lot of teenagers.
Speaker 1:So you, at some point, you kind of go through that life of like you're growing up, you're in your twenties, when did you get engaged?
Speaker 3:I left. Let's see how old was I. I want to say it was 22, 23. Yeah, yeah, because I moved to Texas when I was 25. Yeah. So my first engagement was 22, 23.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's about right. How'd you?
Speaker 3:meet this person. Strip club no 23. Yeah, that's about right. How'd you meet? This person Strip club? No, actually I'm trying to remember how I even met the dude. I just remember because, like I said, when you do a lot of, when you do all the scenes, your memory starts to be spotty, because there's a lot of things you don't want to remember.
Speaker 2:So this was still all the party lifestyle phase and everything.
Speaker 3:I think I started to kind of break away from that a little bit. I can't even remember how I met him, to be honest. I just know that.
Speaker 2:I was just curious like is he a bad influence?
Speaker 3:It was a I met him at a house party. That's what it was.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:I met him at a random house party and that's actually how I started getting more involved in NASCAR in my redneck section of my life. Okay, absolutely, nascar and you know being all there with you, know we had that connection.
Speaker 1:How long did you guys date before you got?
Speaker 3:engaged, maybe a year. Okay, yeah, that's good. And then that's when I started realizing he was very verbally abusive.
Speaker 1:Huh, and then after that I was like and I'm out. A lot of women have the relationship they have with their mom with their husband, isn't? That weird. It's not your dad. That's the first time I ever heard that.
Speaker 3:Because I heard that you usually go. The girl goes for the image of their father.
Speaker 1:They do, but the relationship is the one they get. So they like the image of their dad, but they generally treat them and are treated like they are with their mom. Mind blown, so you like the image of your dad, but the relationship dynamics are usually the same as the mom for a woman. There you go. Was that true?
Speaker 3:Well, now I'm trying to figure out, because my dad is complete opposite of my grandmother, like he's complete opposite of everybody in our family. That's why they've had a marriage for 50 years. To be completely honest with you, I always say he has the patience of job.
Speaker 1:Right, because that's just yeah so the guy you almost got almost to, did he have patients of Job? Oh?
Speaker 3:no, oh no. I mean, he was very, very abusive and actually he's the one that introduced me to Calvary Chapel in California and where I actually. There was a church, the Easter service and it was at a huge park. It was outside a park and they were talking about the salvation and just something just broke me. And I was the first one to stand up. He was like if you need to give yourself to Christ. I was like don't ask me twice.
Speaker 3:And from all discovery of the Catholic Church. This is the first time I actually was introduced to the non-denominational. I'm like what difference is this? This is so weird.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's wild.
Speaker 3:They introduced me to the church. And then the Easter Sunday, and then I threw myself at the altar pretty much. And that's the Sunday. I went back home because all the family was coming together for Easter lunch and dinner at my mom's house and when I say all the family, I mean everyone and very, very, very large party. And I came home and I made the announcement Guess what I just gave myself to Christ. And my mom was like it's almost like music, music, and then everyone just stops what they're doing. It looks at you like what are you talking about?
Speaker 3:Because, no one knows what I'm talking about. They have no idea what that even means, unless you think outside your Catholic box, to be honest, because I didn't know a dang thing about any of it until you introduced me to it.
Speaker 2:Is that not a Catholic thing, accepting Christ? No, you get confirmed.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a whole traditional thing. That is nowhere in the Bible.
Speaker 1:You're, you're, you're baptized as a baby, and then you're confirmed at 13, and then you keep moving on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a, it's a so when did you so?
Speaker 1:after you get saved? How much longer do you stay engaged?
Speaker 3:Not even six, maybe three months.
Speaker 1:And I remember you said, like you got, you broke off the engagement due to boredom.
Speaker 3:What do you mean by that? Well, that was a second engagement oh sorry, the first engagement was abuse. The second yeah, the first engagement was abuse. Yeah, second engagement and then the second engagement I, he was a great dude and, honestly, if there's nothing wrong with probably patience of job type guy.
Speaker 3:I just like I was still wanting to have fun okay and I was not ready to just do the same thing different day. I wasn't that kind of person Today's a different story, In my 40s, Go figure but I wasn't ready to just stop going out and having a good time. I wanted to be with a person and I loved the idea of marriage and there was nothing wrong with them. It's just after a while. I just got really bored. Like we do this weekend, oh, so this and this and that. I'm like we did that like the last three weekends in a row. Can we do something different? Huh, or you know do you regret that?
Speaker 3:No, really I don't.
Speaker 1:You don't look back at that and be like man my mom does.
Speaker 3:If you just stuck with so-and-so, you'd be married by now. And then I was like, well then, you should have married him. Leave him alone. In other words, mom's always. She's very controlling. Yeah, in the very Irish way, yeah.
Speaker 1:And Is she redhead?
Speaker 2:What gave you?
Speaker 3:that idea um, and so it was very. If you don't do this, I know what's best for you, how dare you go against what I tell you is best for you? Because I'm your mother, I know it's best for you. It was a very, almost sinister it was it was a happier way of the movie tangled okay yeah, you know what I mean, yeah and so I hear that song, I'm like, oh my god, that's my mother, and so that's what I say.
Speaker 3:I don't have I. I love her to death. I will never, ever say anything bad about her. It's just some of those things, the close character traits, that you try to break away from and not be right and so that's.
Speaker 3:That's what it was, and so to this day she's like man. If only you just held tight. I'm like you weren't in that relationship. You have no idea what went behind closed doors. You don't know what the conversations were. Just stop being God Like we're trying to be God. There's a reason why it didn't work out Right, and that's why I cracked up to be Okay, so then when do you move to Texas?
Speaker 3:A year later. So a year after I woke up with a first fiance. Six months later I met the second one, and a year and a half later I book it off, and then I was out the door.
Speaker 1:Like I'm going to Texas.
Speaker 3:Yes, and after I moved here he actually six months later wanted to follow me here and he goes I'll come out there for you. I go no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no In my mental state.
Speaker 3:I was like I moved here because I couldn't breathe in the house anymore. It was just, everyone was hectic. My sister had her boy, my first nephew, at 17. And everyone was living at mom and dad's house and I was like I'm in my 20s, I can't do this anymore, I gotta ah. So I just I couldn't breathe anymore. I say I have to get out of here so you did.
Speaker 1:You went for let's move to texas, where I know nobody as opposed to you could just like got an apartment. Why don't you do that?
Speaker 3:well. So this is the I. I attempted to move out twice in the same state before moving out of the state and I moved in with some girlfriends beforehand and their parents actually just to sit there and try to get some breathing, just some breathing room. And then I knew that I couldn't. I just moved back. It ended up being too easy. I thought, well, the next time I move out I can't be in the state because I can't make it so easy on myself anymore.
Speaker 3:This is getting ridiculous like you gotta start putting your feet grounded somewhere and grow your roots somewhere, because this is not. I'm going to die here. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to ever find myself if I stay here.
Speaker 1:Okay, so then you go to Texas.
Speaker 3:So I'm in Texas.
Speaker 1:And you probably move to 6th Street.
Speaker 3:And then. So actually I didn't. I did know someone here At the time. It was my best friend that I actually met at my very first job and her at the time it was my best friend that I actually met at my very first job and her at the time husband, burger King. Never eat at Burger King, guys.
Speaker 1:Don't do it.
Speaker 3:Nothing is what you think it is so, but I met in my first job. I met her and her husband and I actually still talk to him and his new wife and all that but when I told them that I was trying to figure something out, so actually this is what happened I sat down at the kitchen table and my dad was doing the dishes and I don't know where mom was at. But I wrote a letter to God and I just poured everything out in a letter to him and that's my way of like. Okay, now lift the words up to heaven and just hear me and give me an answer. Where am I supposed to go? Because I'm dying here. I can't do this anymore, and I go to the bathroom.
Speaker 3:I come back and I noticed the letter had been moved and I looked at my dad and he didn't do anything. So I sat there and re-read the letter again. He's like hey, sweetheart, Hi, you doing all right? Yeah, I'm good. Is there anything you want to talk about? Not yet. Okay, I'm here if you need, when you're ready. Thank you, and that was it, Because he's a very, very, very easy guy to talk to, Not judgmental, very loving, just sits there and just hears you out, tells you his concerns and lets it be he lets you be you.
Speaker 2:Why were you hesitant to talk with him at that point?
Speaker 3:I wasn't ready. And he knew that. But then, a week later, I was 100% ready and said Mom, dad, we need to have a conversation. And that's when I divulged everything in my letter, instead of what I needed to say. I said so I have two options. I can either move to San Diego with a boyfriend which I know is not the option at the time, but it was still an option for me or move to Texas with.
Speaker 3:Marianne and Daniel and I said you can either have a three-hour drive or you can have a three-hour flight, but those are my only options. I don't know what else to do. And so there was a long talk and we're like well, you know how we feel about living with people before you're married to them, even though I've already had my experiences with sex and all that before, all that Right with sex and all that before, all that Right. So they said well, we would hate for you to be so far away, but we understand why and we would feel more comfortable with you being with people we know and we trust and we respect and that would help you and be good for you. Yeah, I said okay, and a week later I had my entire car packed up and be good for you. Yeah, I said okay, and a week later I had my entire car packed up and I peaced out Nice.
Speaker 1:And then you get to Texas and then this is where things start turning a little weird, like this is where you start experimenting with both sexes and kind of like the bisexual stuff, everything, everything, everything.
Speaker 3:So, um, I do know. So I was chilling at the house for like six months just trying to get my bearings and find a good job, and all that jazz. And then I was like, okay, I gotta get out, I want to go dancing. Because, at that, because before I left california I was out dancing four nights a week, right wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday. We were having a blast, and of course, the dance hall. You, that's probably also where I experienced a lot of that. Plus, you know other scenarios of other friends from old high school and all that jazz, you know.
Speaker 2:And so was this Austin or somewhere else in Texas.
Speaker 3:Oh, Austin, Okay Um so I ended up moving to Amherst in Mopac my very first home, yeah, yeah and moved in with them, and this is where I think so actually I'm probably incorrect on this my first experiences with threesomes, if you will, was actually in California, and then it carried over to the people I ended up living with in Texas because they asked me how I would feel, because they felt like their marriage was on the rocks and they needed some help in this different area. And they asked how I would feel about X, y and Z, because they knew I had already been through or had already experienced those things. And they said I don't know.
Speaker 3:This whole couple and me have this conversation. You're the only person that we could think of that we trust and respect in this way that if you said no, we would not. We feel comfortable coming to you about this and she's willing to give it a shot and I'm willing to give it a shot and see if it can help us with our marriage. And I was like what? So all that jazz there's obviously deeper.
Speaker 1:Let me get this straight. They're like hey, our marriage is not doing well. Would you like to do a threesome? Yeah, Okay.
Speaker 3:And I was like well, I have certain rules, and here they are.
Speaker 1:And if any of these rules crossed? What are the rules?
Speaker 3:If anybody ever starts feeling uncomfortable if I can read your face and you're not comfortable with anything that's happening I'm walking out.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I will not be a reason why a divorce, a marriage does not work out, and I also don't want to be part of. I don't want to be part of anything that does not work out.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:And I said and I respect you guys too much to make anybody feel jealous or envious in any way and so this is what's going on. And then it happened a couple of, and then I started sensing it. I was like okay. So I pulled her aside and started asking her and she divulged some things to me and then I asked him. He was like, oh, I'm fine. I was like okay, well, she's not feeling fine, so I'm going to have to cut this off. I'm not okay with this. But then I noticed that he wanted to start. He initiated with me when she wasn't there. At some times I was like, dude, I can't do this, this is not okay. And then after that I was like okay, I think it's time for me to find my own place.
Speaker 1:Wow, all right. So in this time, when you're like any church experience, like you, have this moment at like the thing, and then now we're into threesomes, how do you get from Jesus save me to you know, that seems like a good way to help your marriage out. How do you get there?
Speaker 3:Forgetfulness, just physical pleasure over spiritual pleasure and wanting to be wanted, because that's the first time I actually felt that was in the van, wanted, heard Seen. And then here I am getting the same thing from adults that are my friends, right, and yeah, so you just start.
Speaker 1:It wasn't like God doesn't want me, these people do. It was just like I don't think about God and these people want me, Right, so did you? Did drinking become a huge part of this like coping mechanism of, of when you sort of move out or like when did when does the DUI hit to move out?
Speaker 3:or like when did? When does the DUI hit? Um, I don't remember how many years after I moved here it hit, so I know that this month is literally my 20th anniversary of being here. So, yeah, october of 04 is when I actually moved here, yeah, so, given the fact that I'm actually having this now on my 20th anniversary is kind of rocking me a little bit. So timing you think Wow, wow. So like half my life has been spent in Texas? Yeah, so what was the question again?
Speaker 1:So when did the DUI so? You hit rock bottom, when you crashed your car and you got a DUI. How did you? I mean.
Speaker 2:I was like the world's moving.
Speaker 3:Nope, you're just your stools. I know I was out with a bunch of friends at an Irish pub in Austin that honestly, we had the best times there. We really literally did Um. This is also I was, you know, going through school as well, and so um, what school Like um hair school cosmetology school yeah.
Speaker 3:And so very seldom. How do I want to say that the first DWI it was Long Island's iced teas all night and just having a good time, a bunch of buddies and friends. Then I thought it was okay to drive and I was like all right, I'll see you guys later, blah, blah, blah, and then get in my car and I'm like do, do, do, do and I remember everything as if it happened yesterday, like it's not a blank so it wasn't like you're driving, you get sleepy it was like bam, crash, pull, how did I get here?
Speaker 1:I mean, it was like how did that I?
Speaker 3:I heard a pop, huh, and then my car starts spinning out of control I hit the wall so many times you must have hit something. You didn't even well, that's why I was like there's no way. I was like I was totally. There's no way. I was like I was totally fine. There's no like I don't understand this, like what's going on. And so that's why I said I'm like I was totally fine, but then I heard a pop. I thought, okay, either it blew my tire out or I hit. I heard a pop.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:And then the car went crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then I was able to get out of my car. I was like I just remember going, just seeing spinning, and I just went, I let go of the wheel. I was like, nope, jesus, take the wheel. That's literally all I thought was Lord, take the wheel, save me from this. I just like, specifically prayer Save me from this, just take the wheel. I remember spinning and I just closed my eyes and I just waited for it to be done, like you're on a roller coaster, you have no control over it.
Speaker 1:Wow, okay. So you, you, you, you've, you're in a crash car, the police show up breathalyzer or something and then they take you to jail.
Speaker 3:Um, so I get out of the car. I'll look at my car going. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. I grabbed my cell phone that's on the floor, grab it. I'm calling everyone that I was in the bar with everyone possible. No one sends their phone. They're all at home. They're crashed out. Man. I'm like, are you kidding me? Right now I'm trying to get a hold of someone so they can come get me before the cops get here.
Speaker 3:I just had a feeling that, because there was nobody involved, there was nobody around me. It was a complete open highway and it was all the cars along the opposite direction that saw the accident.
Speaker 3:that called yeah because how I mean, how else is gonna get a call? There wasn't me calling them, right and so, and then boom, and then the police get there and I'm just like, seriously, nobody, nobody. And then I realized, okay, well, here we go. And they saw it and they just assumed I was drunk. I can't remember to that point, though. They said, hey, ask a couple questions. And I was like, well, I just heard a pop and this happened, that happened, and oh, my car like oh, your car was taken care of later and they put me in the police car and they took me in and the rest is, they booked you the whole thing yeah so they didn't do any like field sobriety tests or anything.
Speaker 2:That part part I don't remember.
Speaker 3:That's the one part I don't remember, which is really weird. I don't remember them. Actually, did they do this field sobriety test? I can't remember if I blew and sobriety test or one or the other, but I know one of those two happened.
Speaker 2:Do you remember having like a light shined in your eyes, walking in a straight line? Anything like that?
Speaker 3:On the second one, I remember that.
Speaker 1:Okay, so then how do you have another DUI?
Speaker 3:Um, I was in Austin and I went down for a friend's birthday. I had literally maybe two or three drinks, so I knew that it was. I was like no, I knew that it was. I was like no, I, I was actually living. I was roommateing with um my girlfriend at the time and she was out of town and I was dog watching. I was dog sitting and I was walking to the car.
Speaker 3:I got in the car and I think I did not see the stop sign and the guy pulled me over and I was like did you see a stop? I'm like I totally did not see a stop. There's a stop sign back there. He goes you know how fast you're going? I said I believe it's this fast. He's like no, it's this fast. I'm like are you sure? I swear I saw a sign back there. And then he goes have you been drinking? I'm like I had like two, like three hours ago. He goes step out of the car, please. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and I was like are you kidding me with this right now? And then, boom, they threw me in.
Speaker 3:I was like are you joking me? There's no way, there's no way. I was completely fine. I was like no, no, no, I can't go in the dog, the dog, the dog. I was more about the dog than I was like, well, can I at least get my purse? He goes, nope, nope. He refused me to get, he refused to let me get any of my personal belongings from the car. I was like is that kind of illegal? Is that my right to get my stuff? So I was already mad and in the right mindset to know what's not okay and what is okay and how I. I was like, how I'm being treated is so against my rights. I was so beyond mad. I was like, really.
Speaker 3:So the process of being in there for so long and trying to get out and getting some hold of somebody to get into the house, to take care of the dog, to get myself out of the car, to blah, blah, blah, blah, so I finally had someone to get me out and when he put me in jail, I had, you know, I got someone to pick me up. The whole process of making the phone calls and getting my stuff out of the car was beyond ridiculous. And then trying to make a report against the guy blah blah blah and then try to make a report against the guy blah, blah, blah, anyways. So when it comes to DWIs unfortunately I don't want to be an expert in this, but going through it twice you start remembering everything you have to go through with. Can you afford a court-appointed or somebody else? And because I had to get the one guy that he shouldn't have been practicing anymore.
Speaker 1:Practicing law the lawyer.
Speaker 3:He was just. He was a dirty dude when it came to getting favors by this and that and what have you Like? Oh, get this for free if you do this favor for me, and not exactly in the most.
Speaker 1:Are we talking about, like sexual favors?
Speaker 3:here are we talking and drugs and alcohol favors yeah, all the above. And I didn't realize that until after. I was like why did you guys hook me up with this dude if this is what? How he practiced his law? Like this is crap. Like I was, I was, I was mind blown. I was like are you joking me with this right now? This is how you like?
Speaker 2:no, no, this is the court appointed person.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, okay oh yeah, I don't think he's alive anymore. But yeah, apparently all the people that know that they can get way scott free for x, y and z favors they know to go to that dude wow and I learned that after I got out I was like great all right, so you get the dw their ddi.
Speaker 1:Are you able able to drive? How long is your license suspended?
Speaker 3:A couple years.
Speaker 1:And then, oh man, that's brutal.
Speaker 3:With a blow in your car a machine in your car, and so it was a long time went by, but because this is when I actually went away, because he failed to tell me the next court date and then I get a phone call saying you missed your court date. Now there's a thing out for your arrest. I was like I was never told about my court date, or else I would have been there. So he failed on his job, which means I get punished for him being negligent. So you went to jail yeah, how long.
Speaker 3:A week, longest week of my life. Williamson County Okay. No Travis County, because it's.
Speaker 1:Austin.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Nice, oh yeah. So you go downtown, you're in this jail. What was that experience like?
Speaker 3:Lindsay Lohan all over again. Because they literally called me Lindsay Lohan all over again, cause they literally called me Lindsay Lohan when I wasn't there.
Speaker 1:Of course they would.
Speaker 3:Of course they did. I mean hello, yeah, it was, it was. It was a nightmare. I was like one or 20, like 24 hours is doable, but a whole week, like you have to have a job while you're in there, you have to do like it was, just don't drink and drive you guys. Oh my gosh, I don't yeah, I don't yeah.
Speaker 1:I think the moral of the story of that don't drink and drive.
Speaker 3:Yes, it was. Just it was. I ended up seeing someone I knew who happened to work in there. I was like, oh, don't look at me, don't look at me. But um, yeah, it was, I ended up befriending or not really befriending, but getting on good terms with, I guess, my bunk mate if you will. And she told me what she was going through and we exchanged addresses for letters and stuff. But that's when I started picking up my Purpose Driven Life.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you started reading Purpose Driven Life.
Speaker 3:And it recunted me with God, wow. And it just Numerous nights falling asleep and crying while reading that book.
Speaker 1:Why? Why did it have such an impact?
Speaker 3:It just. It delivers so much truth that I never heard before, or an extension of what I did here before that. I forgot about.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:And it literally saved me while I was behind bars.
Speaker 2:Did you get like? Did someone give it to you or how'd you get it?
Speaker 3:It was literally part of the book collection to pick from at jail. Huh, and I was like dude, if y'all had this in schools, you wouldn't need it.
Speaker 3:Like yeah, that's a whole nother part of the conversation for me, but yeah, it was just that's what literally is what saved me. I got out and I was like I'm never doing this ever again and from there on I didn't. From counseling to AA classes, to you name it, you go down the hall like you go down the hall of all of it and yeah, from just it's wild, because you know you look back, from how the reminder of his god he literally saved me, from the reminder of strip joints, working in them as well as you know, being a customer and then going to parties at the drag shows and you become buddy-buddy with them. And I personally, I will never have anything bad to say about that world, anything bad to say about that world.
Speaker 3:And I say that because when I needed to be seen and heard, they grabbed me in and they held me like a physical hold, on a spiritual hold, obviously, and I can understand why a lot of people go that route when they're feeling lost and they're feeling unwanted and unseen and unheard, because if they're not getting it from anybody else, why not this person? Who's not judgmental? All loving great blah blah blah according to what you think, and that's why I'm like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a counterfeit, for sure, but it sure feels real.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:And it sure you feel loved and supported and all the things, and they're not, you know, the, the thing that we're so afraid of. I don't think so anymore, but the, the Gen X and maybe millennial, so afraid of being judged. Uh, and maybe that's from coming from boomer world where it was just pure judgment all the time, because I think that used to be one of the things. I don't think that's really true anymore. 20 years ago, being judged at church, being judged by Christians, was a thing and it was really hard. And now I think everyone is sort of pushed back against that, so hard that there was no judgment anywhere, right, and so we've lost moral bearings a little bit. But yeah, that's a powerful statement of like the. I mean, I don't even know if it was called the LGBTQIA community back then.
Speaker 3:It was just like yeah, no, this was way before there were even parades.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:You know, there was no pride of anything. It was just hey, let's hey, you want to go drag show? Sure, pride of anything. It was just hey, let's hey, you want to go drag show? Sure, I sound like a great time, because it was right. But in a different light, right or dimmed light dimmed light, non-light, yeah, but I get what I'm saying it's like so but then the purpose driven life comes into your world. Jesus reenters into your world and my just everything just lifted.
Speaker 1:I just felt so heavy and so lost and so dark and so scared. And then, yeah, like the shell broke, jesus has the ability to impact your life, come find you at the darkest of your uh spots. And what I love about you is that, like going back to the 11 year old you with the dude, with a friend in the van, like I see, like that could scar a kid for life and there's no redemption, and there's no hope. And yet for you you've been able to sort of lean into God, wrestle with him and move forward trusting in his grace. You know, obviously I think the hard part of what I'm hearing from your story is you start moving with Jesus and you forget. And then, bam, crazy thing happens you get Jesus, hey, jesus, we're back. You start moving with Jesus and then the tendency is to forget, and I think that's the hard part is to kind of keep Jesus at the forefront. What would you say?
Speaker 3:Consistency.
Speaker 1:Consistency.
Speaker 3:And that's always been my struggle with everything in my life Consistency. And it's funny because I cause I was.
Speaker 1:it seems like that was the thing you were afraid of when you were in your twenties, right Like I don't want to another boring life, and now it's the very thing, I guess, that you would desire.
Speaker 3:I guess I was looking for excitement and fun and keeping my attention, and the party life did just that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And today that's not the, that's not the kind I'm looking for and it's more or less. I don't yearn to go out to the dance halls anymore. I don't yearn or want all the past life that I thought I would always have or want anymore. Yeah, because, like you know, it's actually kind of funny because the people that you meet in those areas are the people who had literally become my family, who are had that. They've always been the Christians but are deeper in their faith and their walk today that have actually kept. They've helped me stay on the straight and narrow, because I could have easily gone back that way after the breakup you know, four years ago that way after the breakup. You know four years ago.
Speaker 3:So, it's a different kind of fun. It's not a dark fun, it's a light fun. It's a different kind of fulfillment to where the transformation that it's actually kind of funny Cause, my, when I told my parents the kind of transformation I was going through when I was with Trevor, they go well, laurie, my dad told me this, laurie, and we have been praying for this for you for so long because we've been so worried and scared for your future, cause they have no idea all the things I've been through and done. They just have no idea all the things I've been through and done. They just have an idea maybe.
Speaker 1:You can send them this podcast.
Speaker 3:My sister may, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Why share this now?
Speaker 3:Because the Spirit put it on my heart, like literally the same month. He told me it's time to find a church closer to home. He put it on my heart to share my life story and that's why I've been like so emotional, with all these different emotions, going on a roller coaster of what am I feeling and trying to dissect and depict everything, what everything meant, and just like, okay, stage one, this, stage two, this, and now go, and now go and I'll go, and so, um, which is even more funny because, like just all the things that I have experienced in my life, canned it can tend to bring some of those experience back and the physical feel goods, and then I have to go. So can you still enjoy this and separate that and not enjoy this part of it? And that's where I'm at, like hypothetically, like some of those Irish fairs, all the Celtic festivals, you know, love going to those, but a lot of it is very sexual, okay, really.
Speaker 1:It can be, huh, they're a lot of fun, very sexual, okay, really it can be. Huh, very, they're a lot of fun, but they also be very about a celtic festival.
Speaker 3:They're the more drunk you get, the more sexual they get with. You know the corsets and the woman being all you know there. You know all that jazz, you know oh, flip up all the men and all that you know like back in. You know that's, although that era was nothing but drinking and sex yeah that's all it was.
Speaker 3:But there is a part where you can just have fun in the, I guess, innocent mind of it all. So that's why I'm like I wonder if I can still enjoy the fun childlike essence of it without going into the dark part of it.
Speaker 1:So one of the things that happens for people is when they have severe trauma, like as an 11 year old. You get stuck emotionally in some parts of you as an 11 year old and like um. So the things like developing consistency can be stuck in the 11 year old little girl who is looking for pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. And because you weren't able to mature through that, because you're like all of your development unless there's like and I'm sure you've been through some counseling and stuff- I did yeah, and so so you probably had.
Speaker 1:That probably happened for you later. The the healing aspect of all of that is would you say that that's what happened, like to working through all this Cause. I'm sure you told your counselor about.
Speaker 3:Well, my mom made sure all of us went to counseling.
Speaker 1:Oh good.
Speaker 3:She's, she's like, okay, we're not. She wanted to make sure and do her best to heal any scars going forward. And, um, she put everybody through counseling to make sure, cause this is a whole family affair. And um, and this is also I think I I kind of wish that we went to a church counselor as opposed to a regular counselor, because, that's where medications get prescribed and blah, blah, blah blah.
Speaker 3:That's why a lot of people have such a hard time wrapping their head around. Oh, I want to go to a counselor because they have PTSD from past counselors because they prescribed a bunch of stuff that wasn't the word. Right. And that's why I'm like that's the wrong drug dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's not who you want to go to that's good so I kind of wish it was that instead. Yeah, plus, watching the guy be put away was also a huge relief yeah but of course, like I said, when he got out it was a whole nother situation um, but I heard a couple years back he ended up passing away anyway. So I was like well, good luck to you, kid, hope you were saved before that, like yeah, so.
Speaker 3:So but yeah, I mean, like I said, parents did everything they possibly could to make sure that they, that we all, got what we needed. While going through everything I went through to find all of the things I felt I was lacking in all the wrong ways.
Speaker 1:Jesus fills the hole of the soul. I mean it's a platitude, but it's true. What do you think there? Jordan?
Speaker 2:About that platitude.
Speaker 1:No about, just well you could talk about the platitude, I do have two questions for you.
Speaker 2:So I'll preface this one kind of of like some of the worst experiences I've had in my life. Is this one kind of of like some of the worst experiences I've had in my life? In hindsight, I feel like I've been god ordained to course correct me in a way, and I was curious if you've ever had that thought around that week in jail for you course correct like you said, you found this book in jail and it completely changed your life.
Speaker 2:So, like that week, do you ever see that as like god's area of course, correcting you to get you off the path?
Speaker 3:you were on because, honestly, through everything that I experienced I can't say went through, but everything I experienced, because it was all, mostly all willing and, and just to be clear, it wasn't because, like, I wanted to experience it with girls, it was to make the men happy and nothing to do with me, it was to make them happy, not me happy. And that's why I started considering myself bisexual, because I was like, oh sure, girls no problem. And then, but only if the guy. I always said, I always said, but only if the guy's involved. I never want, wanted to do just well, whatever. So, but I think and that's another divulge which I haven't ever said out loud publicly ever um, that's how stds come about, you know, and that's actually where I think, where he's like okay, this is it, you're done, this is. Come back to me, kid, come back to me, and if I need to find you on a bunk bed in a cell, then so dang near it. And that's exactly where it came.
Speaker 3:And ever since then I haven't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, you really had a hard go from 11 years old to just a lot of bad decisions that brought you to a place of just darkness, and then that was like you almost found comforted in the darkness which is sort of wild to think about Because there was probably a fear of church or people that they would judge you and just what maybe your experience is from that?
Speaker 3:that they would judge you and just what maybe your experience is from that. Well, I think honestly, when I didn't like is that whenever I asked questions at church about things I didn't understand, it was always either never truly answered or it was given. It was answered with another question. It was almost like a never, never directly like this, like how dare you ask these questions about what you?
Speaker 3:were trained or brought up to do right. And so for me, like, yeah, I, I, you know, we went to beach retreats, we did women's retreats, we did teen retreats, we did Bible studies and lock-ins and we did all kinds of stuff. I mean I met a bunch of people that I absolutely loved dearly. It was just a lot of the questions that never got answered. That it's completely honest. They all got answered here at Wells branch and to the point where all the holidays that we, you know, have Easter and Christmas and everything else I would call mom and dad and be like I have to always ask this question. No one ever answered this to me and this is good. So I just learned, mom, you know, in the background on the speakerphone my dad goes. Well, I've always learned that I'm like no one's ever told me why doesn't everyone let?
Speaker 1:me know yeah.
Speaker 3:And then mom's over here like you know, because God forbid. You know you ask questions and you know contradict everything you ever taught me. Like you know so it's one of those things. So I mean, I wouldn't say I had a bad experience in church, but at the same time, everything I felt like I was taught in the church outside of my faith was incorrect.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:Right, and that's where I think a lot of the trust may come from. And I just realized that just now. So I'm like, oh my gosh, just now. So I'm like oh my gosh, cause you know it's how dare you transfer from Catholic to non-denominational Christian without speaking with me? First, my mom and I didn't talk for six months cause she wouldn't talk to me, she was making the decision without her knowledge and out of her approval. And then, all of a sudden, one of her best friends at work, because you know, you know she vents to her best friends whatever what's going on in the family. And her friend goes, well, I go to that church. And all of a sudden I was like, oh really, and so she will all, now she wants to investigate it. In other words, you wanted to raise an independent woman, which she did.
Speaker 3:Yeah, once I forced myself out on my own. Not a okay, now I'm going to cut you loose. No, it was. I'm going to like get off, kind of thing. So it was in a okay, I raised you enough to think for yourself I'm going to trust you to make this big decision on your own. It was like that at all. It was how dare you make this decision without my knowledge and my approval, but now I'm going to trust that somebody else that I know and trust to let me know that it's okay that you went that direction.
Speaker 3:And I'm over here going really.
Speaker 1:I mean nobody's signed up for parenting class.
Speaker 3:No, that's what I said and I think it's so hard. And after six months of not talking she finally started realizing where I was going and everything else and I wanted to show her the difference between what I was raised with and who I'm becoming.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:And, like I said, I don't blame anybody in my childhood for where I'm at, because I am stronger because of them.
Speaker 1:So tell me about like. Would you say, you have joy now, oh my gosh Cause. Someone would say like listen, std, uh rape.
Speaker 3:Um, let Someone would say listen STD rape DUIs jail, like you're still wanting to get married. I still want the fairytale ending Show me the bow.
Speaker 1:Where's the bow? I need to put a bow on, but you still have joy, no matter what the circumstances. Tell me about that just briefly.
Speaker 3:It's a choice. You can either choose to let the outside world affect you to where you're constantly angry and constantly resentful and bitter, or you can just wake up and go okay and just keep going, laugh it off, just say okay and just keep going and choose to let it bounce off of you instead of letting it affect you. I have a picture in my bedroom that's next to my bed and every morning I wake up and it just says choose joy. Nice.
Speaker 3:So I wake up every day and see that, yeah, I see cowboy up, cowgirl, get that, get the grit going, while choosing joy at the same time, like get your armor and let's get out of bed and tell the devil what's up.
Speaker 1:I love that because all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. And I think sometimes we forget that, that all things are working for good, even the dark things. And although I would say God would want us to choose right, even in our sinfulness and even in our darkness, he is ultimately for those whom he has chosen, for those whom he loves. He has a great plan and it's going to work for good, and if it's not good, it's not over, because when it's over it's all good.
Speaker 3:I actually saw that on a license plate One random time.
Speaker 1:Hey, thanks so much for watching. We've got to wrap this up. We love to talk faith, culture, everything in between. Thank you so much for watching. Have an awesome week of worship.