Pastor Plek's Podcast
Pastor Plek's Podcast
Worth the Wait
346: Pastor Plek and Pastor Holland tackle the importance of being prepared for marriage through insightful analogies and personal experiences. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their readiness for commitment and the role of parents in guiding their children's relationship education.
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and welcome back to pastor plex podcast. We are live here in studio in wells branch, austin texas, along with holland, greg hello and holland. Uh, holland helped me knock this sermon out this past sunday by all the just the deep study, all of the vigorous research, and I got some of the charts from Holland this week, so I was super grateful for that.
Speaker 2:I am super grateful to know that you use them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I did. I did, in fact. Here's what we talked about. We talked about that you want to make sure that you're ready before you jump into marriage, and here's my analogy. All right, did you know that I worked at McDonald's?
Speaker 2:Yes, and my very first day cooking fish and filet Filet of fish or fish and filet you know what the problem is.
Speaker 1:I said fish and filet like 50 times and then it wasn't until like the 51st time that I said, oh crud, I mean filet of fish, nice, and I don't even know why, like as one who worked at McDonald's. This is like how you know you're getting old. But maybe I think I wrote it wrong the first time and then I just couldn't help myself.
Speaker 2:But anyway, you are getting old, I am getting old, I am 48. As of.
Speaker 1:Sunday it was bad. My age showed on my birthday because I kept saying fish will fly Filet-O-Fish. So I was cooking this Filet-O-Fish, right, 32 years ago. There I was, and as I'm cooking the Filet-O-Fish I didn't realize there was buttons and beepers that went off to let you know how long you're supposed to cook the Filet of fish. And so I just was like gonna feel it out. Yeah, so you know.
Speaker 1:And you don't want to put your hand in the hot grease because that would hurt, right. And in fact one time I did take a fry thing. It hit my arm and I had a scar of like railroad track of grease fryer thing on my elbow or arm for like, yeah, it was wild. So, elbow or arm for like, yeah, it was wild. So anyway, I'm sitting there watching the filet-o-fish and I'm like that looks good, it's like it's time, and so I pull it out. It looked good to me, I served it and then, about 30 minutes later, the manager comes running back to the back furious as to who would have served uncooked filet-o-fish and it was uncooked now at 16.
Speaker 1:do you think I took responsibility for that? Probably not, not, nope, I just go don't know what happened. But it was totally me and I apologize and I own it.
Speaker 2:Now you know what that brings to mind for me. Tell me, have you I mean, have you ever had? Did you ever eat the Filet-O-Fish? Yeah, like, when it's fully cooked it is worth the wait it is. That's just my personal opinion, though I don't know if you agree with that or not, but what do you think about that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have to have the right tartar sauce on it. It is absolutely delicious, Worth the wait. You would say, yeah, it's so worth the wait and that brings us to the analogy about sex and marriage that it is worth the wait, man what a perfect analogy. Yeah it was Now in preaching practice. I was laughed at over and over again and nobody could believe in preaching practice. I would actually go forward and use that, but I did. That's right.
Speaker 2:And that's what makes you you.
Speaker 1:Okay, you know what? I am willing to go a little bit beyond, outside the norm, to get something to land. And did it land 100% no, but that's not the important thing. The important thing is you get where I'm going, and that's important.
Speaker 2:You know, I think it landed where it needed to land it needed and whoever needed that. They got it. They got it you know what they were.
Speaker 1:Like I'm half-baked all right, sorry I'm out of control okay, all right.
Speaker 1:Uh, so we, we went into the text and the text talked about this girl having a dream sequence. Probably before she's married. She's like on my bed by night. I sought him, whom my soul loves. I sought him. Then she's like I'll seek him. She went about the city streets and the city squares and she's him, but she couldn't find him. She goes to the police officers, the watchman of the night, and she's like have you seen him? And the big thing I took away from that is seeking a spouse is actually good. Yeah, it's a desire, that's a good desire, very good. He who finds a wife finds a good thing. And apparently you have to look for him. That's right. And so I said you know? So I don't know. Did you ever get told this when you were single? When you're not looking, that's when you'll find a spouse.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was the advice of just like just seek God, Right, yeah, it was the advice of just seek God, run hard after God and then, in his timing, he'll bring you a spouse. So what are your thoughts on that? Because in a sense I fully agree with that and there's another sense that I think it's incomplete.
Speaker 1:Right, that was my sense. It's like, of course you've got to seek God. But you know what? I also get hungry for food, and when I get hungry for food I don't just sit in my house and go Lord, it is time for you to bring me my meal. I get out of my house and I go to McDonald's and I get my paleo fish Wow, Full circle, brought it back, right back in. Or actually, right now I'm on a thing where you know hgb, the little meals are already pre-made yeah I love those like, like the tv dinners in the freezer, or what do you?
Speaker 2:is that not what you meant? Oh, that's exactly right okay, they're like tv, but they're way better than a TV dude. Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're not frozen, they're refrigerated. Oh, yeah, step up Listen, that's where I am next level, anyway, so so you go out and get it. I go-.
Speaker 2:You trust God to provide for you and you understand that you have a role, Like you have a garden in your backyard, that's right.
Speaker 1:You go and water it, you tend to it and then you grow your garden, you cut your vegetables and bam, you make yourself some soup.
Speaker 2:Amen, Tomato soup coming up in a couple months. I can't wait. Yeah, I'll bring you some, so I think that's the problem.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of times people say you know, you just need to stop looking and let God bring the one, and you don't do that with anything else. If someone did that with a job, like you know, I'm just waiting for God to bring me the right job. And they never put a resume out, they never got on LinkedIn, they didn't apply to any jobs, they didn't go to Indeed, they didn't go to monstercom, they didn't do whatever it is that you do when you're looking for a job Job seekers network, you can go about a bazillion different places. If they never did that and you said, like the Lord's going to bring me one If we would all go, that's one lazy, that is two like not biblical.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, but then so that that's. There's the sense of like. You know your role and responsibility to do something for it, but there's also like the like. I do think the idea of like run hard after God. That puts you on the trajectory where you ought to be looking.
Speaker 1:Right. It puts you around the right people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I think of like, you think of like Ruth and Boaz, and even the Shulamite woman and Solomon in this song. She, you know, she was looking in the fields where he was tending his flock. You know the Ruth went into the fields where the Lord had, where she felt like the Lord had led her, and then that's where she found Boaz, and so like there is a sense where I would say I would, I would agree, pursue God a hundred percent and like. That means like get involved in church, know, and like being uh, filling your life with the things of god and um church community and that kind of stuff. But then within that community there's also the aspect of like, yeah, you can proactively seek a spouse so it's not like one or the other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I like that. So even within ruth it's like by her doing the right thing, yeah, taking care of her mother-in-law, yeah, it like she didn't know that Boaz would be this provisional dude. It just because she was constantly doing the right thing she was put in that position. But even then she had to kind of let him know hey, I'm available.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was her pursuing God. I'm going to make your God my God. I'm going to follow her, becoming a believer in God and pursuing him. But then the Lord did he? He put Boaz right in her path. But then there was, you know, back to her side again. There was her kind of um, uh, taking the initiative to, like you said.
Speaker 1:Hey, I'm available.
Speaker 2:And so, like it is a mixture, it's like God putting someone in your path, uh, and you just seeking God as your first priority and you you know, making a move, okay.
Speaker 1:So here's the next part I talked about, which might be controversial. I said parents should be training their children on what kind of a person to be as a spouse and who they should be looking for, and talking about it regularly. How is?
Speaker 2:that controversial Explain, because what people, what parents have said— that sounds so normal to me.
Speaker 1:I know it sounds so normal, but we also have a lot of people that say something like this Like I'm going to let my kids figure out their faith, like, whatever they want to believe, I'm going to let them believe. And I'm like it's so weird about how, the most important thing of their life, we don't train them. And I think that's why relationships are such train wrecks now is because nobody was ever trained. Nobody sat down and said, hey, this is what you're looking for in a godly woman. Yeah, these are the attributes, these are the character traits. Um, let's read the bible together, let's study it to see if, um, does this woman meet the criteria set forth in what a godly woman looks like, before we even go down the path of falling in love? Yeah, usually what happens? We fall in love and then we sort of like, well, they could be, they've got all this potential Right and we marry on potential based on what we've seen.
Speaker 2:Now, to an extent, we're all marrying potential right, yeah, sure, yeah, but I mean in the sense of we all have room to grow. That's what you mean right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what I always say when it comes to that is I say Mary proof, not potential. So like Mary proof, meaning you have seen that this person is who they say they are and that that lines up with scripture. And what a scripture calls to be, you know, calls a man or a woman to be so Mary proof, not potential. Scripture calls a man or a woman to be so marry proof, not potential. I think that would save so many relationships by ending them, save so many people from the heartache of marrying potential and then they're in a miserable marriage where the person they thought they were going to become X, y or Z and they never do. But if you marry proof, not potential, you save yourself from that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how about somebody that's already in a marriage? That married potential and the proof never came.
Speaker 2:Ken, before that could just go back to the country. You know you said it was a controversial question I just want to throw out there. There's this book. It's a really old book, Ooh, ancient, 1622 edition.
Speaker 1:I love it it's called Before the 1689 First London Baptist Confession.
Speaker 2:There you go, second London Baptist.
Speaker 1:Second.
Speaker 2:London Baptist Come on, dang it. Of Domestical Duties, william Gouge. So this book's kind of controversial in that it is essentially an exposition and application of Ephesians 5 and 6 about marriage and children. Yeah, application of Ephesians 5 and 6 about marriage and children, but breaking down pretty much every single possible way that those verses could be applied. And so it's like how a husband loves his wife when she is tired, how a husband loves his wife during pregnancy, immediately after the baby, what a mother's responsibility to her children are during pregnancy, after the. You know, when the children are this age, how a child honors his father, how a father disciplines his child, but not too sternly, but also not too gently. But also, and just like I mean, it's just this long, long, long book of domestical duties that's what it's called and anyway it goes into.
Speaker 2:It has all these sections about what a parent's responsibility to their children are. And you know, basically, under the idea of bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, it's like, okay, what does that mean? And it's like teaching your kids manners and it's fathers you're responsible to. You know, teach your children a profitable trade and to prepare them for a certain vocation. Fathers, you are responsible for helping your children find a spouse and know what to look for in a spouse. So finding a spouse and preparing them for a particular vocation, those are two where I feel like have really dropped off as something that parents see as like their responsibility. I think we punted to school, right?
Speaker 1:I mean like the like, the school dances where you learn romance, and uh, whatever college you go to is what is where you learn whatever trade you're going to get.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, exactly. And you know, and it's kind of like, do whatever your heart desires. And there is a sense in that like, uh, you know, we, we don't want to like force our kids to do something. Is the mindset behind that? We don't want to force them to marry this person or force them into this thing, because you know what if they're miserable or something like that.
Speaker 2:But, um, if you don't think of it as like forcing something, but think of it as just part of your discipleship here, you know what a parent's responsibility to their child is. And so back to Song of Solomon and a spouse, part of your responsibility is to teach your children what one be fruitful and multiply. The normal pathway in life is to get married and have children and raise a godly family. And so you know, you got to know what to look for and you got to know how to become the kind of person who will be successful in that man. I love that. I agree with you. I think it is a parent's responsibility and there was a day hundreds of years ago where other theologians and pastors taught this and wrote books about it.
Speaker 2:Wow, like wouldn't that be wild if we like wrote a book that said, like how to train your kid a trade, yeah, I mean so I don't know that's been like for me as a father with young children, like something I'm thinking about a lot and like just well-roundedhip, that's not just memorize these Bible verses obviously you're training them in spiritual things, but also marriage, vocation, uh, manners, you know all that kind of stuff that goes into really preparing children for the world.
Speaker 1:I think that's so hard and so good and, I think, challenging, um. So one of the things that I talked about is that you know you've heard of the 10,000 hour rule. Yeah, all right. So Malcolm Gladwell, he didn't come up with it, but he researched it and kind of took the guy where we originally made it up and took it and ran with it.
Speaker 1:But it takes about 10,000 hours to master a craft, and so for kids like you have, 10 years is about if you did two hours a day, that's 10 years, or if you're going to do 20 years, however long, you know, and you did an hour a day, you know, I don't know how much time, but like I wanted. When you think about discipling your kids, like challenging them on scripture, challenging them in God's word, praying with them, having them go through challenging things, they have to exercise their faith you know there's a lot of things that go there, but I think we probably have had our kids master the craft of video games more than we've had. Master the craft of relationship, master the craft of Bible reading, master the craft of any of that. In fact, that is convicting me, because I'm like. There are times where I'm like here's the switch.
Speaker 2:I need to function.
Speaker 1:And I think that's on all of us really to kind of push through that and to engage our kids. When it's so easy to punt towards technology, yep, 100%. So in the same way, I think the reason why marriages really struggle is that you were never trained in any of this, and so when we're talking about such a high standard, I think, as I was preaching I don't know if you know I wasn't getting a lot of feedback I think more people are laughing more. I think they're just like sort of like hanging on, you know, white knuckling the talk, because we're talking about something that very few people have mastered.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's way easier to engage something when you feel like you've got that, but on, when it comes to relationships, sex, that kind of stuff, I feel like we are a very fragile in that as a culture and society, and so that's not something we've been trained on, and so, therefore, this is a hard topic to come up with, and it can bring a lot of shame and maybe even condemnation, because you're reading God's word and you're realizing oh man, I did not live up to this and now I feel like the devil's on me going. You'll never measure up, you can't measure up, nobody really wants you, how could you say that you're a Christian?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And the really great news about Christianity is that God is a redeemer and he's a sanctifier and he can take you know someone who has just royally screwed up their marriage, you know in every way you can think of and you know in in his timing and um, through patient, you know, sanctification process, he can turn it into, uh, not only a healthy marriage but a healthy marriages, a healthy marriage that blesses and teaches and is a testimony to other healthy marriages about the power of God to save.
Speaker 2:So like there's no great thing about Christianity is like there's no like too far gone situation and really like the more far gone you are, the more glory God is going to get. You know, when he turns things around and that's like God's specialty in the Bible is he take like he intentionally even goes after like why did I pick Israel? You're the smallest and weakest and so I'm going to use you to glorify my name because it's so unlikely that some, that a people like you, would do anything significant. You know, like that's basically what he told him in Deuteronomy. It's so unlike like no one would believe this other than like the sovereign grace and mercy of God at work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you're kind of in a great position.
Speaker 2:If your marriage is like a train wreck, man, you are in the perfect position for God to do a miracle, and that you would become a testimony of his grace, or if you're single and you've been divorced or you've had like over and over, things just went horribly, horribly wrong.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you might be the person god's going to use in a really special, special way, not because of how great you've been, but in spite of how wicked and dark you've been. But your, your heart's been transformed by the gospel. Jesus came, died on the cross, rose to death, giving the whole power of the holy spirit, and now you're operating in freedom, you're operating with noation and you're being a light to the world. So I do think, whether you're single or you're married, no matter where you are, the cool thing about that the desire that you might have for marriage is a desire even greater God has for you as a person All right.
Speaker 1:So she finds in the Song of Solomon, the woman finds her husband I think it's in a dream sequence and then she brings him. She wouldn't let him go until she had brought him into my mother's house, into the chamber of her who conceived me. So it's kind of fun that she brings her home to mom and then there's this phrase I adjure you, o godly, spouse is worth the wait, and so marry. Proof, not potential.
Speaker 1:I think that that is challenging, I think it's achievable and I think that's the way God intended it. And honestly, because I think what happens with a lot of people, they say I just want to be happy, so I'm going to. I've seen marriages go wrong, I've seen my parents, or I've seen divorce or whatever. And then you say I just want to be happy and living together takes away the drama of marriage. And that couldn't be further from the truth, just even statistically speaking.
Speaker 1:Right, and those are a couple of charts you passed me, which one was like those who are highly religious, with gender traditional views have the highest relationship quality index number, like 73% of relational quality, versus those who aren't. In fact it's kind of weird. It's like first is those who are highly religious and have gender traditional. Second is highly religious, have gender progressive. But then third, which I thought was sort of interesting, secular, shared gender progressive. So people who don't believe in God but are probably adamant about it and then they think that you know, a man or woman can exchange roles. Those guys are most, they're like. Third best in the category of relational quality, which I thought was sort of interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, very interesting Cause if you, you know you take the.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know, we could theorize all day about this stuff but, um, yeah, the fact that highly religious, gender, traditional um is the high, the highest, uh, um, relational satisfaction. Is that what it is? Yeah, and then one of the other ones. I don't know if you use this one, but odds of happy marriage increase when spouse is committed, protective, religious and romantic. And you're just like man, like this.
Speaker 2:The data backs up the bible. The bible like just, it's just very clear right there across the board. Um, and what is it like? Um, right there across the board. And what is it like? 1% of couples who pray together get divorced? Only 1%, I think. So when you, you know, sometimes people compare, like the divorce rate in the church and out of the church is like the same. I think that's been debunked. But there that, if you, if you don't just say people who like kind of identify as Christian or something, but if you go to actually pray together, it drops down to like 1%. So you take all of that together and you go. People who embrace traditional roles I think biblical roles probably better than traditional, more specific, but people who embrace biblical roles are committed to church, pray together. It's just set up for a very satisfying life because it's legitimately what God designed us for from the very beginning yeah, get married, be fruitful, multiply, worship God.
Speaker 2:Of course you're going to be happy doing what God created you to do?
Speaker 1:Yeah, crazy, right. One of the things I said is, like, you know you could roll the dice and you could, it's? You know, there are people at our church I think they're happily married that have a mixed, you know, a believer non-believer, that have a mixed believer non-believer and you could roll a dice and you could win. You could roll snake eyes, and it's rare to do or roll two sixes and hey way to go. However, what I wanted to say on this and I said this was also controversial and I don't know what you think about it, but I go.
Speaker 1:Love that does not wait is not love. Yeah, and what I said is that your benefit at my expense. Even if you're saying I really love you and I'm going to express my love through physical intimacy, what you're really saying is I don't believe God, that he has his best for you, and so, therefore, I don't want the best. I want what's best for me right now the instant gratification the feed my flesh and in every other part of life. We value those who delay gratification. I delay eating more food so I can lose weight. I delay laying on the couch to go work out, to get healthier or whatever. Whatever the thing is, we all go. That's great, that's great, but for some reason delaying the gratification of sexual intimacy is somehow taboo. Because why? Why do you think that is?
Speaker 2:oh, man, that's a. There's a lot. Yeah, give me, give me one, give me one. So your question is why do we, when it comes to Everything else.
Speaker 1:We're great, we honor it, we're like wow.
Speaker 2:Can you believe that guy? But when it comes to sex, we're like you're an idiot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay. So I mean this goes back to sexual revolution. The idea of waiting being oppressive and liberty being more free is the idea of sleeping with whoever you want. That's an expression of freedom. Set has been in our country, you know, uh, building swelling for 50 years. You know half a century. Um, this idea that uh, um, when we delay gratification for like, working out or eating or something like that, it's not seen as like oppressive or hurting you. It's seen as like improving yourself, right, but when it comes to this, it's seen as depriving yourself of something good.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Um and something needed. Even so, like I mean all the movies, like you know, the teen movies that have come out the last couple of decades have all been, you know, like. Impressive parents 40-year-old virgin right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like, oh, that's hilarious. There's this guy who's 40 and he hasn't, you know, slept around a whole bunch. Like, slept around a whole bunch. Like, what an idiot you know. Like that's the kind of thing our culture gives you. Is that, like, you're a loser, you're an idiot if you deprive yourself of this thing? Um, and it's.
Speaker 2:It's divorcing, um, sexual desire from covenant commitment, right, and so a lot of it, I think, comes from just the sexual revolution type of like mindset as well as like um want, you know, believe, wanting to believe that there's a way to enjoy sex apart from commitment, and so it doesn't feel like you're. And when you embrace that idea of like I'm just going to sleep with whoever, I don't have to wait, if we're in love, we don't need to be married, and stuff, it feels like you're doing something good to your body, as opposed to eating junk food which is doing something harmful. So we've just like I think we totally missed out the understanding of marriage from the Bible, sexual revolution, and a lot of it just comes down to selfishness, impatience, gratifying your flesh.
Speaker 1:But there's a lot. No, I agree. I resonate with all that. So here's one thing I noticed in this next part, where it talks about how Solomon sends for her on like she's riding her limousine. He has his limousine and they roll up to the wedding and it's awesome. He's got the crown his mom gave him for the wedding day. It's sweet, all right.
Speaker 1:The cool part about this is, I felt, the bride found a king who would pursue and protect her, which seems a little bit odd that she found someone who would pursue her. But that's really what happened in the fact that he is always pursuing her by sending you know, I'm going to bring you lavish gift of this wedding procession. I'm going to send physical protection for you to show how I can provide and protect for you and care for you. Is that something that women should be looking for? And I know, obviously it seems like we're a church thing, so we're going to be like, of course, but ultimately, uh, what does it mean for a husband to pursue and protect her?
Speaker 1:I would love to see what your 1622 book said about pursuing and protecting. You know, like what is that? Bring it next time. Yeah, you need to go through it. Yeah, but what do you? What do you think that means? To me, that's like he could provide financially. That means like he is going to be secure. I think there's proof there as well, not just the way like I think there's a sexual intimacy and purity that you're looking for, but also a ability to be a man to take care of and protect and continue to pursue his bride even beyond the wedding day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, again. Marriage, biblical marriage. It is clear that the man and the wife each have roles and responsibilities that are unique. You know, to the man and to the wife there's shared responsibilities. You know, just as being a human being, a Christian, but when it comes to the man, he is to be a protector and a provider. He is to pursue all the Ps and to preside.
Speaker 1:Preside nice.
Speaker 2:To oversee the household, the marriage and the household to watch, to be an overseer, to be a pastor of his home. And so you know, you think of, like Psalm 23, the Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. What does it mean to be a protector and a provider? It means I shall not want. Right, I have, all my needs are met and I'm safe. Yeah, and that is how a godly husband makes his wife and children feel All my needs are met and I'm safe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I feel like it's more than financial Right, it's more than financial, it's more than, but not less than.
Speaker 2:Yeah exactly.
Speaker 1:Exactly, but I do feel like that's what I feel like our culture has drifted from that as well, and women are taking more of that lead role.
Speaker 2:And how have you seen that break down the family? This is related, you know. Okay, sexual revolution came, you know, alongside feminist feminism and you know there's different waves of feminism and all that, but but at the core of all of it, of the feminist movement, is the idea that male and female are interchangeable right.
Speaker 2:That are functionally or essentially interchangeable, and so a woman can do anything a man can do. You know, and that has been out. From that, you get confusion in marriage, you get egalitarianism in the church and you get homosexuality. If male and female are interchangeable, then why not? Just? Why can't a man marry a man or woman marry a woman? You get transgenderism. If male and female are interchangeable, then why not just—why can't a man marry a man or a woman marry a woman? You get transgenderism. If male and female are interchangeable, then why can't I change my own gender? Homosexuality, transgenderism, egalitarianism and just confusion all come from this idea of male and female are interchangeable, which is crazy because it comes up on page one of the Bible that God made them male and female.
Speaker 1:And I think sometimes people really push back because they're like I'm not looking to be a 1950s trad wife or something and I'm like sure, and I want to go like before the industrial revolution.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got to go back further in 1950s anyway.
Speaker 1:Right, right, let's go wait, let's go be, let's just go back to agricultural times. But if you were, like a blacksmith, your wife married in and she became part of the blacksmith trade. She probably wouldn't be doing the heavy blacksmithing, but she was a part. Like you were together working in the family trade. Whether you're a farmer, you're working together in the family trade. But her primary role was to raise children and your primary role was to do the heavy lifting. But that't mean she wasn't heavily involved, yeah, in the business. I just think of um, priscilla and aquila. Yeah, they're both tent makers, yeah, and so they're actively working. I don't know if you know aquila was the sewer and, uh, priscilla was, I don't know, in marketing. I'm not sure which one it was, but I do know that there was a reality that what we saw with the industrial revolution was sort of like a extreme of the, the separation of men and women because men no longer was was involved in raising children.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's bad, and that's bad. So what I've? What's been wild to me? I'm gonna call it the information revolution. I guess okay, of this age where men were working from home in a, in a, it almost took us back to like being a blacksmith or being a you know oh, and remote work like from covid and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah it actually, I think, brought some positive things where the father was at home, yeah, doing his role job where he's, you know he's still being affirmed at work, but he still has the ability to manage and take care of children at the same time. So there is no cookie cutter. This is what it's supposed to look like. However, the husband is supposed to preside I love that and therefore provide security and everything else for his bride. Yeah, ah, boom, boom. See how I rhymed that.
Speaker 2:Song Solomon, you got to make the rhymes, yeah. And so back to your question of like um, uh, that idea, if we just don't think about it that way anymore and like, uh, women being like, oh, I want to be the leader in the home, and a lot of men that are like totally cool with that, they're just like sure, yeah, I mean, yeah, you're, you're smart, you're a kept man, what's that?
Speaker 1:I'll be a kept man. Yeah, just give me my allowance and I'll go do my thing.
Speaker 2:And um, you know, when you, when you abandon God's design for um marriage, it gets really confusing. Um, and nobody wins with that. And uh, so like not. The answer is not, hey, go back to the 1950s or whatever. I do think that we can look like, look at certain times in history and say, okay, hey, these people had this right, or these people had that right, yes, but ultimately I mean it's just, you go back to the word and you can read the Bible, not only in the positive, explicit commands, you know, husbands do this, wives do this, men, women, but even in the examples, even in the stories, even you look at something like Proverbs 31 and it's like a lot of people are like, oh man, that's impossible for any one woman to do all those things. I think that's trying to fit what she's doing into like a modern framework, as opposed to what you said, which is the home used to be, the place of business, the home used to be, and so, yeah, the wife's involved, the kids are involved, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all the servants are involved, all the servants are involved, you have a whole the idea of a household Right which is more than just a nuclear family.
Speaker 1:Right, it could have 20, 30 people Multiple generations of families of servants.
Speaker 2:You wanted that stuff, like you know it could have 20, multiple generations of families, of servants, stuff, yeah, and, and she's got a very important role and it's not the same as the husband or father, um, but every person's role in the home mattered and the household was product Like that's the word that I feel like, or the phrase a productive household that we've totally lost in the modern world.
Speaker 2:That needs to be recovered and, you know, re-taught and it's like buried treasure, understanding that a household is supposed to be a place of you know, where there's not only spiritual discipleship happening but like economic prosperity happening that's shared by the whole family and kids are discipled, not just in and I say this is very ambitious, because a lot of families aren't even teaching their kids the Bible, and so it's like, shoot, you got, yes, start there. Teach kids the Bible, do family worship every day, read, pray and sing every day, but also beyond that, teach your kids a craft, a profitable trade manners, start a family business, do like something where you're really you're being productive together and you're you're doing a full you're, you're creating fully formed disciples in your home who know how to be social and have communication skills and are prepared to get married and are going to be able to be, you know, productive members of society when they become adults. Like the household was, a was meant to be a place of developing people toward that goal.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Not just a place that everyone shows up to after school and work to watch a TV show and go to bed.
Speaker 1:That's a really that's kind of how it is now right, not for all, but for a lot of people the place to watch a TV show, go to sleep.
Speaker 1:That's a great insight, all right. So I know it almost feels hopeless, right? So what's the way we reverse that? I think you brought up some good points, like family worship, but also, I think, training. It's like talking about. You know how you interact with the grader. There's a lot of darkness and wickedness that he's got to overcome and really helping him process through his day what he's experiencing and how we can see the light of Christ through that. It's a challenge, but it's something that when you're able to do that, you're able to say we act like this because of what our hope is. They act like that because they don't have any hope, and so, of course, they're going to go for no gratification delay. Of course they're going to go for whatever their heart desires in the moment, and we have got to be people that are distinct, peculiar even, and to live our lives for Jesus. All right. So I think that.
Speaker 1:So a question came up. A question came up into the podcast on this and it's from a single person said if I'm partly content with singleness because of my own personal space and time, but want to marry, but the people you connect with more are young adults already young adults already married than the age 35 plus people. Would that mean I'm more like to be single? I think this person is saying, like I guess I'm in the 35 plus category and I connect with people that are already married or young adults. Does that mean I'm more likely to be single?
Speaker 2:That's a great question. There's a lot I love about that question in that I think there's something you could maybe call it like a holy discontentment, nice, so like I think we're scripture's clear that we are called to be content in all circumstances and in the sense that we are satisfied in Christ, and if Christ is all that we have, then he's enough for us. Yes, and at the same time it's like you know, if you're hungry, it's not a sin to desire food right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a. You know, if you're hungry, it's not a sin to desire food. Right, that's a I am, you know it's a right desire for something that I don't have. I'm not coveting food, I'm not like in a sinful state of discontentment, I just I desire something. That's a good thing to desire and I don't have it. And I think marriage falls into that category. It's not like I'm coveting someone else's wife or something. I'm just like I want to be married. So I think you can have a contentment in Christ while at the same time having like a holy discontentment of like I do want to be married, though I'm satisfied in Christ, but I do want to be married. I think that makes sense.
Speaker 2:I can enjoy being single. I can enjoy my personal space and time, but at the same time, would I love a spouse? Yes, I would. I think that's right.
Speaker 1:Yeah and I do think there is a part of it.
Speaker 1:If you find yourself in a season of singleness, this is a great time to serve the Lord and I think in that that doesn't mean you're not actively searching for a spouse, but you're actively working for the Lord and, just like Ruth with Boaz, it's like God will put you in positions where you're available and let's go. I think you look to your left and right, see who's running with you. I think what happens a lot of times? You become so obsessed with looking for a spouse I don't want to say you come off as desperate, but your idol is revealed and everyone can see it, maybe except for you. And so, therefore, you're running around with this idol of marriage that once I get married, then I'll be happy, and everybody looking at that goes oh man, that's going to be hard because the reality is going to smack you across the face and all of a sudden you're going to get hit by. You didn't realize how selfish you were and the very thing you thought would serve you is the very thing you're now called to serve. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it kind of reminds me of that question we started with back at the beginning of like. You know, do you wait around for God to provide or do you go seek it? And it's like it's both. You put yourself in the position to find a godly person by following God and at the same time you're looking to your left and your right and if the Lord presents someone, you know the question of like, would that mean I'm more likely to be single If you're 35 plus and you're hanging out with people who are younger than you? Well, depends on if it's a man or a woman. Honestly, I think if it's a woman hanging out with men that are younger than her, I think that is less likely. If it's a man hanging out with women who are younger, more likely.
Speaker 1:As one who got married about-. There you go, 35. I can tell you I married someone almost 10 years younger. Yeah, okay, maybe not fully 10, but nine years and four months. Okay, there you go, in case anyone's counting.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I think that kind of depends. And so if it's a woman, I think, yeah, you probably need to find a way to get around some godly men who are around your age or older.
Speaker 1:And we do have a seasoned singles group at our church. Boom, there you go, five plus.
Speaker 2:Show up at that Nice, but at the same time am I more likely. There's trends and there's data, and there's, you know, but then there's also, like God does what he wants, yeah, going back there's you know.
Speaker 1:But then there's also like God does what he wants and so, like going back to it, you can roll the dice and who knows, but you're trusting the Lord, yeah. So, man, I really appreciate that insight. Hey, thanks so much for watching. You can always text us in. We'd love to hear from you. Go to PastorPleckcom or just simply text 737-231-0605. We'd love to hear from you. We'd love to talk about this.
Speaker 1:We'll be going through the Song of Solomon for several more weeks. In fact, this week I'm going to give the warning, because this week we read Song of Solomon, chapter 4, and we're going to talk about a woman's beauty and the word breast is going to come up in the text, and so it's going to get a little spicy because it's going to say the word spices a lot, and so we're going to get into that and we're going to talk about what it means for a married couple to have sex and what that looks like. And so, if that's not something you are ready for this Sunday at Wells Branch Community Church because you've got kids and you haven't had that conversation, hey, read them. Song of Solomon, chapter 4. Start having that conversation. I don't know, I don't know if you want to go from zero to. We're going to go full in, but that should be conversations. You want the church leading in. You want the church discipling the world, discipling the church on what it is to have sex, what boundaries there are, all that. So we talk about that on next week's podcast and we're getting into that on this Sunday.
Speaker 1:But I just want to give everyone just a forewarned is forearmed is that if you haven't had the conversation yet with your child and you, for some reason, are bringing them to church and you're not ready for children's ministry yet, I'd say this would be a great week for children's ministry. We would love that. Or, honestly, I feel like this is all the things that parents should be teaching their kids and honestly, have a great heart for discipling the world in what it looks like to have pure sex. Hey, thanks so much for watching From our house to yours. Have an awesome week of worship.